Judge, 1900-05-05 · page 7 of 16
Judge — May 5, 1900 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple brief satirical sketches typical of Judge's humor circa early 1900s: **"For Sale—A Heart"** mocks a flirtatious woman who auctions her affections to the highest bidder, only to marry a poor man when he's the only buyer. The satire targets superficial women and marriage as commercial transaction. **"Deducting a Superfluity"** jokes about a park official trying to keep dogs off grass by pouring pork brine on it—absurd logic presented as bureaucratic reasoning. **"The Reason"** satirizes class consciousness: a performing seal mother forbids her offspring from associating with "low" trick-dogs due to their poor taste in fur. **"Another Question"** implies women secretly dispose of old wedding rings—a jab at disposable attitudes toward marriage. **"At the Pinnacle"** plays on a musician's rise from "mere fiddler" to virtuoso as the height of achievement. The remaining items are brief jokes about rural life and animal behavior. The overall tone is lighthearted social commentary on marriage, class pretension, and human foolishness.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
FOR SALE—A HEART. Y Cupid nailed above her heart (She was a flirt—it was his duty) “For sale, at auction, on May first”; ‘And bachelors, the best and worst, Bid for the senseless, saucy beauty. afl‘ He must be rich and tall and dark,” \ ; H Confided she; ‘then I'l'sur- = \ g our | Lo! there he stood, poor, light : 7 f “WY \\ and short. ia ‘ a i "Twas bargain-day. He bid and bought, : C4 ‘And married her to quickly mend her: ANNA M. WILLIAMS, HER SUBSEQUENT ACTION. The widow (over the back fence)—" So you was over to Allegash yisterd'y? Any news there?” The clam-peddler—"Wa-al, Lucy Ann Pine— you know her, I guess—was settin’ alone in_the dark, one evenin’ about two weeks ago, when a strange man slipped into the house an’ grabbed her an’ forcibly kissed her.” The widow—''1 want to know!" oye DEDUCTING A SUPERFLUITY. The clas paddler — 7 Yesim san; they) do say. Mr. Cornntusk—'*Say, ossifer, what's thet air sign mean?” that she ain't had a light in the house sence.” ys jest tat t pect ay ores.” Mr. Consnusk—"" Then why in Tophet don't yer sprinkle a few hogsheads of st pork brine over ian’ El the roots? “These way tw keep ofthe ras THE REASON. Mrs, Performing-Seal (at the museum)—“ Seely, 1 don’t want you to associate with those trick-dogs at all.” Seely—" Why, mamma?” yal : Mrs, Performing-Seal— Because, my dear, they are low. See what abominable taste they display in choosing their furs.” ANOTHER QUESTION. CuIcaco ciiLp—"* Ma?” CHICAGO MOTHER—"* What is it, child?” CHICAGO CHILD—"* What do women do with all their old wedding-rings?” AT THE PIN- NACLE. SSPVON'T you D think the vir- tuoso Rosinini has made great strides in his profession, or in his art, whichever you choose to call it?” Mrs. Skidmore n asked her husband. J x “T suppose he Yo has,” replied “Mr. @ 4 Z . Skidmore. “I am oy } told that he began ) as a mere fiddler.” ay FROM OUR COUNTRY CORRESPONDENT. ; Josiah Quinn, who has owned the Globe farm —\Y\/!T is condens- for years, let Dentist Pullet have two acres yesterday. ed wisdom. GOOD ADVICE. Te rox—'* It is very strange, but I have lost my appetite.” Tum DucK—* The best thing you can do for that is to take a walk.” comicbooks.com