Judge — February 10, 1900 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

MATRIMONIAL. p ( faintly) —** 1 wondah how I live?” in de bank A QUEER JUMBLE. [7 TAKES all kinds of curious things To make this world of ours complete ; Folks in a suite may find life flat, And those in flats may find it sweet. HIS GOOD FORTUNE. * Whin Oi got on the car-r-r there was only wan sate lift. Ut's lucky Oi stipped in phwin Oi did.” Mrs, MeGorry —" Oi sh’pose s MeGorry —"Yis; av Oi hod been two ter Oi'd hov crowded mesilf out av ONE OF THE RIGID RULES. se ]/M_ AFRAID Algy never will qualify for admittance to our set.” * What is the matter now ?” “Why, when he came in just a minute ago he failed to put his cane on top of the bar.” A MONUMENTAL LIAR, NPEQUE—* Well, dat’s pretty good! You know pufficly well dat I had fo'teen dollars and sebenty-five cents en yo’ married me, and now I hain’t got but seben. . 1, 1T MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE, Miss Fapstye. (1899)—"* What a perfectly ridiculous hat this Indian wears—with such a heathenish long feather, too.” BUSINESS. SS YOUR waiting ought to be well paid,” Exclaimed breakfast boarder ; “Indeed, you are a ready maid.” the well - pleased ** Not so,” said she, to order.” “I'm made PLANS UPSET. Barber's assistant —" No; the boss isn’t in; he's over- whelmed with misfortune.” Customer —" House burned or wife dead ?” Barber's assistant —W orse than that; he’s been calculating z+ on having his twin babies learn the trade, and now he's dis- covered they stutter.” A MAN AND HIS MONEY. T WAS Saturday night. The Third avenue elevated was crowded with people going home from work. A big man, dressed as a laborer, who had boarded the train at Fulton street, lurched and stumbled and tumbled into a seat. He was very drunk and for a time sat in sleepy silence, his body swaying gelatinously with the movement of the car. Suddenly a thought seemed to pierce the obscurity of his men- tal gloom, and lifting his head he said emphatically, “I maybe- wrong —bu’ guesh not—two-an'- two—forty-an’-ten.” Much more he said to the same effect—whatever the effect may have been—and then began fumbling anxiously in his trou- sers pockets. After difficult and prolonged search he drew forth some coins and holding them in the palm of one hand he counted them laboriously, pushing them over one by one | with the forefinger of his other hand. “Two — four— twenty—fifty "— here he stopped and nodded approvingly.“ Yesh, that'll do for the ole woman in the kitchen” (hic), tumbling the coins back into his pocket. “ An’ thish,” thrusting his hand inside his blouse and drawing out a roll of notes which he counted unsteadily and rolled up again, “ thish'll do (hic) for me.” FRANCKS A. SCHNEIDER OVERWORKED. te THE Last Words of Great Men,” volumi- nous tome, To a critic was mailed for reviewing ; He pored o'er its contents from dawning till gloam, And it near brought about his undoing. “ There's one consolation,” he muttered in glee, ** I'm freed from a task superhuman : No book large enough has been made or can be To hold all the last words of woman,” 2. IT MAKES ALL THE DIFFERENCE. Miss Fapstyze (1900) — ‘* What a perfectly charming hat this season’s style is, to be sure —and the cute long feather se becoming and unique !” comicbooks.com