Judge, 1899-12-23 · page 9 of 46
Judge — December 23, 1899 — page 9: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces about Christmas gift-giving dilemmas: **"At Roaring Gulch"** lampoons frontier vigilante justice through exaggeration—a drunk man disrupts a Christmas gathering and the townspeople summarily hang him, viewing this as appropriately "civilized" behavior. **"Would Supply the Deficiency"** satirizes the advice column genre. An editor catalogs absurd Christmas gift questions: whether skates suffice for multiple boys, if a heifer counts as a gift for an eight-year-old, and most pointedly, what gift suits a man pursuing a woman for *fourteen years without proposing*. The assistant's joke—recommend a nerve tonic instead—mocks both the man's indecision and women's limited recourse. **"A Similar Experience"** uses the domestic complaint as humor: a man reading about tiger attacks realizes his wife's pre-holiday demands for money constitute worse suffering than wild beasts. The cartoons reflect early-20th-century attitudes about gender roles, courtship frustrations, and marital dynamics presented as comedy fodder.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
AT ROARING GULCH. HERE never was a Christinas Like the one we had last year, ‘Though | ‘low that any stranger Would ‘ve thought it mighty queer. , For when the crowd had gathered An’ the speakin’ had begun Howlin’ Pete rolled in, prime-loaded, For a little bit of fun. He tried to bust the meeti Shootin’ here an’ shootin’ there, Failin to observe the spirit ‘That was floatin’ in the air. He got us all disgusted (Were all civilized, you see), An’ we rose in holy anger An’ hanged him on the tree. WOULD SUPPLY THE DEFICIENCY. **QQUR usual job-lot of questions relative to Christmas conduct is coming in again,” remarked the editor of the Bugville Elite Arbiter. “Same old grist, | suppose?” observed the assistant. “Yes, about the same. ‘ Madge’ wants to know what would be a suit- able, inexpensive present for a gentleman cousin over in Mudsock who visited her last summer; also what would be an appropriate gift, regardless of ex- pense, for a gentleman friend of that cousin who accompanied him on his visit. ‘Old subscriber’ wants to know if a ton of coal would be a proper present for him to get for his wife. ‘Widower’ wants to know of a suitable gift for a lady whom he knew as a girl twenty years ago, and whose husband has been dead two months. ‘Constant reader’ wishes the Elite Arbiter to inform her if one pair of skates would be a sufficient present for one Pair of boys. ‘Reuben’ writes that he is accustomed to give his chil- dren calves for Christmas-presents, and he wishes to know, if he pre- sents an eight-year-old boy with a seven-months-old heifer, at what age the heifer will become his property again. But here’s the hardest one of the lot. A lady signing herself ‘ Birdie’ wants to know of an appropriate present for a man who acts as if he thought a great deal of her, and who has been going with her for fourteen years.” “Tell her,” replied the assistant, “to scan the advertising columns of the Aréditer for a good, reliable nerve-tonic. Fourteen years and hasn't proposed!” A SIMILAR EXPERIENCE. Reeder (looking up from his newspaper)—" Great Scott! here is a yarn about a man who spent a night in a pit with a Bengal tiger. Just imagine how he must have suffered!” Hennypeck—" | can easily do that—I know all about it. For two weeks before the holidays I was obliged to face the united demands of my wife and seven grown daughters for Christmas-money.” 6, meooKs, "A TIMELY INQUIRY. ; Mose Mosssunxar (fre a. m.)—'* ‘Scuse me, kun'l; but would yo’ mind me takin’ one ob dese yar turkey-feathers fo’ mah wife's hat 7” comicbooks.com