Judge, 1899-12-23 · page 22 of 46
Judge — December 23, 1899 — page 22: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three separate satirical pieces mocking early 1900s social absurdities: **"College Examinations of the Twentieth Century"** jokes that a student passed rowing and football but failed baseball and golf—inverting academic priorities to ridicule how colleges increasingly emphasized athletics over actual learning. **"A Puzzle"** features circus freaks (an "ossified man," tattooed man, Circassian beauty, fat lady, india-rubber man) complaining the manager won't fill the fat lady's Christmas stocking because it would "bankrupt him." The satire mocks both the exploitation of disabled people as spectacles and wealthy managers' miserliness. **"Being Good to Himself"** shows a man buying an expensive solitaire ring, claiming it's for "Miss Bullion" (a wealthy woman), then accepting congratulations—satirizing fortune-hunting and the pretense that gold-digging is romantic generosity. All three pieces target the era's hypocrisy: misplaced educational values, the cruel exhibition of human "oddities," and mercenary courtship practices.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
COLLEGE EXAMINATIONS OF THE TWENTIETH CENTURY. Miss Battimore—** How did your brother get along with his entrance examinations ?” Miss Prttspurc—* He passed in rowing and foot-ball, but was conditioned in base-ball and golf.” A PUZZLE. DEPLORABLE ELEPHANTINE HOSE Oya . CAPACITY. Little Willie— Say, pa, \ wonder why the days are always so short just about AA JT 18 real shame” athe oned man as be seated Christmas time.’ t ; ze 4 glaceed 'd sym- Mr, Multiplye—" So do 1. They're not married and don’t have any families.” Binugell at the dinnertable and giaend ‘around sym pathetically at the living wonders. What's a shame?” piped up the voice of Miss Cassidy the Circassian beauty. “What's a shame? Do tell us?” “Why, haven't you heard?" continued the ossified man indignantly, “Haven't you heard that the order for all us freaks to hang up our stockings for gifts from the manager has been countermanded?” “Tt can't be," cried the tattooed man, ‘for I heard him give the notification that we were to hang up our stockings to the floor-barker only this morning.” sighed the ossified man, “but since then he's changed his mind. He claimed, on second thought, that to attempt to fill up the fat lady's stocking would bankrupt him. It's a shame!” again cried the loquacious speaker as he dexter- ously speared with his fork a sausage that the india-rubber man was eying, “It's a shame that all should suffer for one, but it’s the state of affairs positive.” Andasthe boarders began glar- ing at the fat lady the ossified man took immediate advantage 2 and piled his plate BEING GOOD TO HIMSELF. high with a double FERpy—" Well, old chappie, I see you believe in being good to yourself.” : ji Pracy—“' My dear fellow, this solitaire ring is not for myself but for Miss Bullion.” Lecheee and fellito Faapy—" Ol course I knew that, dear ‘boy—that's what I meant, old ‘fel.’ Allow me to Cating with great congratulate you, ‘pon me soul !* gusto. comicbooks.com