Judge, 1899-12-23 · page 14 of 46
Judge — December 23, 1899 — page 14: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page collects Christmas-themed satirical vignettes mocking sentimental and pretentious behavior: **"A Merry Christmas—From Mother"** presents ironic contrast: a New York bookkeeper receives a humble pair of socks from his rural mother, triggering nostalgia and causing him to abandon plans for expensive gifts to society women (the "Gotrox" family). The satire targets urban materialism and false priorities. **"The Very Thing"** mocks an overeducated Boston snob who reframes his grandmother's simple drum gift as an opportunity for pseudo-scientific acoustic study, using absurd jargon to inflate trivial reality. Other shorts ridicule women's emerging independence ("Interchangeable" necktie joke), spousal suspicion about poisoned food, and female inattentiveness during church services. The humor relies on class commentary, generational conflict, and anxiety about changing social norms—particularly women's evolving roles—typical of Judge's satirical approach.
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Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
CHRISTMAS CAUSE AND EFFECT. a FROM MOTHER. “6A MERRY A Christmas —from mother.” These words were written on a small white card- board which had dropped from a small white pack- age which a small white New York bookkeeper had just opened with trem- bling fingers—a small matter, truly, but it meant much to him—for like a flash the musty office vanished from his view, the rattle of the pavements became hushed, and in their place he saw the little red farm-house where he was born, and heard again the sighing of the oak that stood before that farm-house door. He saw the kind, patient face of the sender, the thoughtful, loving eyes, the fast-whitening hair, the dear, sweet lips of his only friend— his mother. He saw the trembling fingers as they traced the uncertain lines—* A merry Christmas "—and a tear rolled down his fa and fell upon the old ledger—" from mothe: ‘| He thought of the ring he had promised Miss Gotrox, of the brooch he had promised Miss Gotrox’s sister, of the box of fine cigars he had intended for Miss Gotrox’s father, and the golden comb he had intended for Miss Got rox's mother. What were all these to him now? Nothing! This little gift from home | had dispelled his illusions and brought him back to his true self again— “ A merry Christmas—from mother.” He had written to her for a hundred dol- lars and she had sent him a pair of socks. He blotted his tears from the old ledger and be- gan doggedly upon the new. Next morning. ore ws i THE VERY THING. TON MOTHER—"* Your foolish old grandmother in Podunk has sent you a drum for Christmas.” Boston son—* The very object I most desired, mamma! I have wished for some time to make a few simple experi- Trgnte.ia mechanical acoustics and elementary sonorous sensations. I have wished to analyze the progressive, sympathetic, ‘ratory propagation of composite * sound waves’ as transmitted through an elastic medium to intermediate space, and thence to the delicate terminal fibrils of the auditory nerve. You may thank grandmamma for her thoughtfulness, mamma !" INTERCHANGEABLE, Old woman—" What kind of a necktie are you going to get your husband for Christmas >" New woman: One that we can both wear.” HER HORRIBLE SUSPI- CION. Ars. Younghusband —"It's awful to think of that poor tramp being picked up dead on Christ- mas day.” Younghusband —""1 can just imagine how you feel, my dear, but perhaps he wasn’t the one you gave that mince-pie to.” THE EVERY-DAY GIRL. GHE goes to church, but not a sacred thing Comes to her mind—indeed, her thoughts are shocking. For while the choristers their car- ols sing She thinks of what was in her Christmas stocking. comicbooks.com