Judge — December 9, 1899 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

The savage bachelor—"1 don't sce why a man should get married when a good parrot can be bought for twenty-five dollars.” 7’he sweet young thing—"*As usual, woman is ata disadvantage. A grizzly bear can’t be bought for less than ten times that." —/nidianapolts Journal. _ Again to the front for the holidays—the world-renowned appetizer and invigorator, Dr. iegert’s Angostura Bitters (from South Amer- a), the only genuine. No Christmas or New Year's table complete without it. Beware of imitations and domestic substitutes, “You are falling off in your actin tie manager to the leading actor. ‘* Purely a sympathetic going backward. Payment of the tiree-weeks’ salary due me would restore my histrionic powers with more than their pristine flory. There is absolutely nothing so depress. ig to art as failure to connect regularly with the box-office." —Detroit Free Press, When the stomach 's right all ’s right, asa rile, Digestion’s best aid—Abbott’s, the Orig- inal Angostura Biite “When I came to this town,” said the man on the dry-goods box, “everything I had in tse world was tied up in a red bandana hand- kerchief." “And now?” asked the tourist who was waiting fora train, ‘And now," replied the man, ‘everything I've got in the world is tied down with mortgages." —Chicago Tribune. Tue Pioneer Limite. — Only Perfect Train in the world. Chicago, Milwaukee and Paul Railway. Address for free illustrated, descriptive booklet, Geo. H. Heafford, General Passenger Agent, Chicago, Ill. “ What a fine-looking little boy !* exclaimed the good-natured woman to her traveling ac- quaintance. ‘How old is he?” ** You're not connected with the railroad, are you?" asked the suspicious mother. ‘* Certainly not." ** Not in any capacity whatever?” ‘*No.” ‘Well, just wait until the conductor gets out of hear- ing and I'll tell you."—Chtcago Post, Are mellowed and ripened for two years in sweet casks in our storage cellars before being bottled. ‘They are entirely free from sediment and have an aroma as fragrant as a field of blossoming fh To the invalid they bring health and to all men strength and happiness. Some nice woman who is looking for employ- ment might open a sympathetic bureau and charge so much an hour for listening to other people's woes and crying with them: She should give a guaranty that confessions poured out to her will never be repeated, and that she will suggest no advice. ‘The people don’t want advice ; they just want to cry, as they did when they were babies, and be comforted with the sympathy and tenderness that are shown to babies in trouble.—Arkansaw Thomas Cat, Dr. Boll's Cough Syrup cures over night the most stubborn cold as well as all its complica- tvons—tickling 1n the throat, husky voice and violent coughing. Itis the most wonderful medicine science has produced. “Don't you wish you had minded me?” said the stern mother as she plied the paddle to her erring son with monotonous frequency and vigor. “*I wish,” said Johnny as he tried to twist around so that the paddle would strike him slantingly; "I wish I wuz a orfing.” Ohio State Journal, ‘The man who used to shake the mat Outside his back-yard gate Now doffs his overcoat and hat And shakes the furnace-grate. ‘hicago News. “Why is it that you always keep your seat while women have to stand?” one Harlemite said to another on the way home by elevated train, “I do it with malicious intent,” was the reply. ‘Iam helping to educate women to wait for the next train."—New York Press. RYE Has stood the test for years and won wide popularity. It Is Mellow Pure Delicious to Years Old Sold at all First-Class Catée and by Jobners. WM. LANAHAN & SON. Baltimore, Md. A better Cocktail at home than is served over any bar in the World. TGouirans MANHATTAN, MARTINI, ‘WHISKEY, HOLLAND GIN, TOM GIN, VERMOUTH and YORK, ‘Wo guarantee these Cocktails to be made of absolutely pare and well matured liquors ‘and tho mixing equal to the best cocktails served over any barin the world. Being ‘compounded in accurate proportions, they will always be found of uniform quality. Connoisseurs agree that of two cocktails made of the same material and propor- WP, ona the one which is aged must be the * better. ‘Try our YORK Cocktail made without any sweetening—dry and delicious. For Sale on the Dining and Buffet Cars of the principal rafiroads of the U. 2. AVOID IMITATIONS. For Sale by all Draggists and Dealers. G. F. HEUBLEIN & BRO,, Sole Props., ___39 Broadway, N. Y., Hartford, Conn. 20 Piccadilly, W. London, Eng. Best Line to Cincinnati and St. Louis—New York Central. Miss Teilit—* Wave you met my cousin from Paris, Illinois? He wants to get mar- ried, but he is so countrified none of the girls look at him.” Afiss A’notwsit—"* Oh, yes; sort of a Paris green."—Baltimore American, shillings each? It must cost that to manufact- ure them.” Jereeler—" It does." Customer — “Then how do you make any money?" Jere eler— Repairing ‘em."— Tid- Bits, Customer —"* So you sell these watches at ten | tistics show that fewer men fill drunkards’ graves than in former years.” Miles =" What's the cause—world growing better?" Giles—"* No; 1 guess cremation has something to do with it!"—New York Evening World, “My wife has gilded our lawn-mower and put it in the parlor-window.” ‘* What's that for?” ‘She says she wants the neighbors to see that at last we are getting the use of it our- selves."—Chicago Kecord, I SHAVING: 7 A NOVICE ican dl my USE (t , NO $ PRACTICE FP REQUIRED J ; DRESSING s TABLE on ) TRAVELING NO lout, an a ES TIME, MONEYan> PATI IMPOSSIBLE TO CUT THE FACE aves MAKES SHAVING A PLEASURE WITH ~ THELomey earery RAZOR Tay oe ‘Tue MANUFACTURERS FOR ONE veal BEARO HARSHY) f OWS THEM ALL WITHOUT A PULL: PPING MACHINE von GEM CUTLERY Co. 675-67 7/UDSON ST f tan paca ne f f VICI KID Babys First Pair of Shoes Free ‘Take any baby born {n ror to oe Gesler-have the foot ‘The softest, easiest, dressiest, best shoe- leather. No one else makes it of can make it. Vici Friction Polish \..%¢ leather dressing and preservative ever made. It Gives Gottene: beauty to any shoe leather. Vici Paste Polish j{)eys >: fS VICE KIDaboes mnde and fetsrned ote dealer or you. THE CELEBRATED SOHMER HEADS THE LIST oF THE HIGHEST GRADE PIANOS. It is the favorite of the artists and the refined musical public. SOHMER & CO., Piano Manufacturers New York Warerooms, SOHMER BUILDING FIFTH AVENUE, COR. 220 STREET. Fogg—"' The boys at the club are rather se- vere on Morton. They say he has more money than brains."” Bass—"'T should call that a compliment from their point of view. ‘They could possibly have no use for a man with brains, "—Boston Transcript, er ean easily Bee them. BARKER'S BRANDS WILLIAM BARKER COMPANY, proof shine on.any well-dressed. shoe. Rrarvel of quickness, handiness, and excellence. Your shee dealer has all the Viek ROBERT H. FOERDERER, Philadelphia fant dam > B] when he was a baby.” symptoms?” Frank— basket on the doorste anything in that.” rraduet, Dow't tale excuses Frank—"1 knew Penn would be a poet Jda— ‘What were the je was found in a I don't see Yes; but it was a waste-basket."—Breoklyn Life. Reet tertatn cataloy COLLARS wm CUFES ‘WEST TROY, NEW YORK, [ay clit rainy state PLAY: 310 First Premiums ‘dialogues, and other en- et books. New 12page ‘tent free on request, Awarded to the PRAIRI NCURATOIR, Guaranteed to 0; te, Bend for catalog INCUBATOR CO. Homer Baltimore Md, Established 1823. WILSON WHISKEY. That’s All! ‘THE WILSON DISTILLING CO., comicbooks.com