Judge — September 16, 1899 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

taker, was never at a loss for an answer when any one at- tempted to poke fun at him or his profession. One day a would-be wit remarked to him, “Yours must be a grewsome business, Mr. Balmer. I sup- pose you undertakers never look at a man without wishing him dead.” “You are mistaken,” re- Plied the undertaker. "1 know some people whom I would perfectly. willing to bury aliv Mr. Henry Brown began his career as office-boy to a firm of brokers. Even at that time he was known for his ready wit. It js related of him that when a member of the firm took him to task for com- ing late to his work he replied. That's all right, Mr. Stocks; I am merely taking my vacation on the installment plan.” His employer, was so pleased with this bright remark that he imme-- diately gave Henry a vacation of indefinite length. F NO HURRY, : Mx, Newaicn —"\I gave you an order last week to trace my ancestry back for five hundred years. Curonotocist—"* Yes, sir; we have it about half done already.” But I forgot to give you my name.” Curonovocist—** Oh, that makes no difference! We alwa: Degin at the founder of a house arid work down, We won't need your name fortwo weeks.” GIRLS WILL BE GIRLS. “* H'm — that's last year’s hat she’s got on.” ‘Those who knew Bill Jones only in his official capacity of dog-catcher lttle dreamed that under his rough exterior beat a heart as tender as a woman's. That such was the case the following incident will show : Bill was walking home from work one evening when he met a little boy crying bitterly. “ What's the matter, sonny ?” inquired Bill. “ Dad sent me after a can of beer,” sobbed the boy, “ an’ I lost the money shootin’ craps, an’ now I'm afraid to go home, ‘cause he'll lick me black an’ blue.” “No, he won't.” said Bill kindly.“ You just go home and tell your old man that if he dares to lay a hand on you Bill Jones will knock the stuffing out of him.” Charlie Ribboncounter was famous no less for his wit than for his abitity asa salesman. One day a lady stepped up to his counter and asked to see some ribbons. “I have left my purse at home,” she said sweetly, “so of course I cannot buy anything; but I see you have a sign up saying that it is no trouble to show goods.” ~ That is quite true,” said Charlie politely. “ The trouble begins when we fail to make a sale.” Many stories are told of Jim Smith's generosity, but 1 believe the fol- lowing has never been printed : A poor, starving wretch approached Smith one day and told a pitiful tale about not having tasted food for ten days. Jim was deeply moved. “ My poor man,” he said, “keep it up for thirty days more and I will get you a job in a dime-museum.” : ISAAC AMDERSOM. 4. — or perhaps a body like this. The ma the May de Wut =s. ” She comicbooks.com