Judge, 1899-08-26 · page 10 of 16
Judge — August 26, 1899 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several short humor pieces typical of early 20th-century Judge magazine: **"A Youthful Inquirer"** jokes about a child mishearing "Hebrides" as "He-brides" — a simple pun on the Scottish islands' name. **"A Case of Buck Fever"** mocks a nervous hunter who mistakes a deer for an elephant, satirizing inexperienced sportsmen. **"A Dreamy Drummer"** depicts an absent-minded traveling salesman who spits inside a customer's door, then walks away unaware of his rudeness — humor from character foolishness. **The remaining sketches** include jokes about: wealthy people discussing taking money to heaven; observations about human nature; a naval officer's pretensions; an actor's wife profiting from repeated divorce suits; an Arkansas youth mispronouncing "uniforms" as "unicorns"; and rural people seeking storm shelter. The humor is genteel, class-conscious satire targeting absent-mindedness, social pretension, and rural/working-class speech patterns — typical of the era's satirical magazine style.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
“Tha A YOUTHFUL INQUIRER. particula IOUNG Jimmie always liked to know ana The ‘‘ why“ of things that he was taught, eee And often in geography - The origin of names he sought While learning of the Hebrides. dence With their wild shores and mountain sides, of Flatul He asked the teacher how on earth and Chr They ever got the name He-brides fen: I tion MRLEN Ww. Grove, Abbey Salt as 3 A CASE OF BUCK FEVER. Ape Guide—"Why didn’t you shoot that buck >" i q s Cholly —" W-w-was thethat a b-b-buck > == I th-thought it w-w-was an elephant, A DREAMY DRUMMER. R, — is an actor by profession, but for certain reasons he became, for a time. 4 commercial drummer. By nature and dis- position he was entirely unsuited tor the work, being absent-minded and abstracted to the last degree. One day he was dreamily going his rounds in a.western town, when he ap- proached the store of a customer upon whom he was undecided whether to call, His hand was on the door- knob, when he felt an inclination to expectorate. Murmuring, “Guess I won't go in here to-day,” he deliberately opened the door, spat inside, closed it again and walked on, not realizing the unusualness of his act till he was a block away HEAVENLY FINANCIERING. Mrs. Urrertes— Albert; we cannot take ‘our money to heaven z Atwert Epwarv—"' Certainly not, mamma; that would be deucedly vulgar. I suppose a letter-of-credit from the archbishop would be about the proper thing.” which INVERSE RATIO, WE ARE what we are, is a basic truth with which all are bound to agree, While we're equally sure that others are what they ought not to be. NOT ALTOGETHER WRONG. Mr. Green —* Billson’s boy has got to be an officer in the nai Mrs, Green —" Well, well! 1 spose he'll wear ” epithets on his shoulders now, IT MAY COME TO THIS, First actor—" How does it come that Stagey LITERALLY TRUE has money these days 7” You have heard, | suppose, that we cats have nine lives ”” _, Second actor—" Oh, his wile has been: selling That's nothing ; | have a record of kicking the bucket ten times in one week.” tickets to her fifth annual divorce suit.” ‘THe car— THe cow— HE MEANT UNIFORMS. ** BY HECK, maw!" ejac- ulated young Lab Juckett, an Arkansaw youth, who had just returned from | the county-seat. “They have raised a company in town to go to the war.” “Say. they have?" in- quired his mother. "Yes, siree! 1 seen ‘em marchin’ up an’ down, carry- in’ there guns an’ wearin’ their new blue unicorns.” HER PROSPECTUS. ’ SHE ought to run a magazine > This loveliest of creatures For none of her competitors 1. * Quick, Marthy' run fer the cyclone-cellar, Here 2. ScrarcHina Jim (neighbor Jones's big roester)—“Well, Have such attractive features comes a reg'lar ripsnorter.”* I thought I could get up a little excitement.” comicbooks.com