Judge, 1899-07-15 · page 7 of 16
Judge — July 15, 1899 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several unrelated satirical sketches typical of Judge's humor: **"Another Trust Formed"** mocks the era's epidemic of business monopolies (trusts). Two contractors, Nolan and Dolan, are forced into partnership—suggesting even small competitors must combine to survive against larger economic forces. The joke reflects public anxiety about trust monopolization. **"Sermon-Meter"** jokes about long-winded preachers—a perennial complaint about clergy. **"A Matter of Business"** features dark humor: a druggist laments that cheaper gas prices reduce suicide attempts, thus lowering his carbolic acid (poison) sales. It's gallows humor about commercial self-interest. **"The Gift of a Rose"** is sentimental fiction about a doctor's gracious response to a patient's gift. Minor sketches mock farmers' potato-bug problems and hotel clerks charging for boredom. Overall, the page emphasizes turn-of-century concerns: monopolistic trusts, economic anxiety, and social pretension.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
ANOTHER TRUST FORMED. 1. Dolan doesn’t like Nolan's sign—— SERMON-METER. THIS isa rule by which to determine By words of the preacher the length of his sermon : When he says “firstly” you know he's begun; When he says “lastly” he's only half done A MATTER OF BUSINESS. Doctor—"Why in the world do «a you kick about the reduction in the price of gas?” Druggist—" \t's spoiling my sui- cide trade. I don’t sell half as much carbolic acid as I used to.” SIMPLY UNACCOUNTABLE. Moriter—"* What! he says you make him sick? That is both brutal and vulgar.” Davcnter—"* Yes; and I haven't cooked him anything but charlotte russes and cream puffs and jelly tarts ever since we were married.” udge THE GIFT OF A ROSE. HE day was som- nolent and melt- ing. The physician's large shaded waiting- room was already half filled. The doctor him- self, with calm, steady eyes, unaffectedly greeted each arrival. The latest to enter was a matron bearing a varied cluster of gar- den-roses, which she delightedly placed in his hands. The doc- tor murmured his thanks while she began volubly to enumerate their characteristics. 8. So they let each other know it so thoroughly — tached from her corsage and fell to the floor. | The doctor bowed her out with a smile and, turn- ing, set his foot un- consciously on a Jacqueminot. KATHRINE CROSEAN. EFFICACIOUS. Farmer—"Ver so tarnation smart, can't yer tell me how ter git rid o° them goldarn tater- bugs?” Amateur— “Sure. Stop plant- ing potatoes.” EXTRA SERVICE. Customer —" What's this two-dol- lar charge for extra service?” Hot * Oh, we charged up : ey" story you bored us with last night. “This sunshiny yellow—the hun- dred-leaved pink—and this old-fash- joned button-rose with such numbers of narrow, close-set petals, that our grandmothers cultivated. They have come out wonderfully within twenty- four hours, and oh, I picked a Jacque, but I couldn't. bring that, it being the first.” “Of course not.” The doctor smiled. “You are very good.” A patient. stand- ing hard by began ab- sently to draw on her gloves. What beau- tiful roses—so many! What a pleasure to have flowers to give!” ‘The doctor glanc- ed up quickly. The lady moved toward the door and he followed. Before her foot touch- ed the threshold a rose which she had been wearing became de- 4. —that they are forced to combine for mutual protection, comicbooks.com