Judge, 1899-07-08 · page 5 of 20
Judge — July 8, 1899 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This Judge magazine page contains satirical commentary on Admiral George Dewey's expected return home (likely after the Spanish-American War). The central joke: his arrival has caused such civic excitement that normal business and life have ground to a halt—grandmothers are fainting, commerce is abandoned, even animals can't sleep. The "Beer Tunnel" cartoon mocks the frivolous concerns of wealthy cyclists who want quick access to beer while riding. The "Fate" anecdote darkly jokes about irony: a soldier survived the war unscathed only to be accidentally killed by a child's toy on Independence Day. The final piece satirizes a newly married man's naiveté—he's hired a cook who was apparently crew on a whaling or cargo ship, unaware this suggests she's been at sea for years in isolation (hence her desperation for any land-based employment). The humor relies on the reader catching his obliviousness.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
WHOOP! W grandmamas throughout the land Expire in great profusion [And all our business interests Are scattered in confusion. You ask what plague has swept the town And struck the dear old ladies. Why, none ; but Dewey ‘ll soon be home— Let business go to hades ! FATE. Crawford —* What became of that friend of yours who went all through the war with- ‘outa scratch?” Crabshaw —" \ small boy accidentally killed him on the Fourth with a toy-pistol.” oS COULDN'T SLEEP ON DEWEY DAY. SQuirRet (lo woodpecker)—"* Look bere if you can’t stop that knocking I'll complain to the board of health. I can't get a wink of sleep.” NO TIME LOST. Junce suggests a system of quick becr-tunnels on our country roads for the use of country scorching bicyclists. HOW HE SPENT HIS FOURTH. Mr. Newtywen (of Lonelyville)—" I've been to the employment agency ana got a jewel of a cook—coming to-morrow, dear. Said she'd just as leave live here as not, and was three years steady in her last place, just as lonesome as this.” Mrs, Newiywep—"‘And where was that?” Mx. NewLywep —"* I forget whether she said it was on a whaier or a lumber-schooner, but I know she'll like Lonelyville,”” comicbooks.com