Judge — July 8, 1899 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WHOOP! W grandmamas throughout the land Expire in great profusion [And all our business interests Are scattered in confusion. You ask what plague has swept the town And struck the dear old ladies. Why, none ; but Dewey ‘ll soon be home— Let business go to hades ! FATE. Crawford —* What became of that friend of yours who went all through the war with- ‘outa scratch?” Crabshaw —" \ small boy accidentally killed him on the Fourth with a toy-pistol.” oS COULDN'T SLEEP ON DEWEY DAY. SQuirRet (lo woodpecker)—"* Look bere if you can’t stop that knocking I'll complain to the board of health. I can't get a wink of sleep.” NO TIME LOST. Junce suggests a system of quick becr-tunnels on our country roads for the use of country scorching bicyclists. HOW HE SPENT HIS FOURTH. Mr. Newtywen (of Lonelyville)—" I've been to the employment agency ana got a jewel of a cook—coming to-morrow, dear. Said she'd just as leave live here as not, and was three years steady in her last place, just as lonesome as this.” Mrs, Newiywep—"‘And where was that?” Mx. NewLywep —"* I forget whether she said it was on a whaier or a lumber-schooner, but I know she'll like Lonelyville,”” comicbooks.com