Judge, 1899-05-27 · page 5 of 16
Judge — May 27, 1899 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page collects miscellaneous short jokes and satirical verses typical of Judge magazine's format. Key items: **"A Great Bore"**: Mocks the tediously boring Mr. Gimlet, who claims waltzing would bore holes in the floor—absurdist humor about an insufferable person. **"Cultivating a Weakness"**: Satirizes someone neurotically obsessed with puncturing his bicycle-bed flower garden, suggesting aristocratic ennui and idle fixation. **"Plausible"**: Social commentary on theatrical divorces—the joke being actors marry constantly, thus divorce frequently. Reflects period skepticism toward stage people's morality. **"Giving the Housekeeper a Dig"**: Domestic humor where a husband digs under the bed claiming to search for "gold" and lost collar-buttons, mocking male laziness and marital banter. **"Seldom the Case"**: Political satire suggesting the president's "close friends" gossip indiscreetly—commentary on political loose talk. The remaining items are light verse and brief anecdotes with no clear political meaning. Overall, the page emphasizes character satire and domestic/social observation rather than hard political commentary.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
CULTIVATING A WEAK- NESS. +S HATEWEEL has a most un- pleasant nature.” “ What has he done now?” “He has had his flower-garden laid out Th the form of a bicycle, the beds representing the tires, and he spends all his spare time viciously puncturing them with a rake and oth- er implements.” TO HELEN GOULD, BY Mtpas' hand of old All things were changed to gold ; The alchemy of thine Makes gold a thing divine. PLAUSIBLE. Jaggles—" Why is there so niuch A GREAT BORE. divorce among theatrical people?” Don’t you waltz, Mr. Gimlet ?* Waggles—" | suppose it's because Mr. Giser —" Bless you, no! If I'did I. should ; icon bore the floor full of holes." there is so much marriage. 'S WORLD'S FAIR. No, XIX.—PRINCESS OF BAGDAD, Not in “Arabian Nights,” nor Om: Tmet thee, at whose sigh the muses throng. Asin the prime of good Haroun Alraschid : He loved thee, and he never could do wrong. I dreamed thy face, as though T had not seen; Theard thee sing, a Circe spell, I ween, Not in “Arabian Nights.” nor Omar's song— And yet, and yet, it might as well have been, GIVING THE HOUSEKEEPER A DIG. MB. FUSSBY was under the bed, pawing and grumbling. “What are you doing, dear?” asked Mrs. F. * Digging for gold,” he snorted. “ The dust B foot deep under here, and my collar-button 's in it.’ don’t know how ter git his own livin’.” SELDOM THE CASE. **\ZHERE do you say you ob- tained this important news?" 2 “From a close friend of the president.” “It is very strange that the close friends of the president keep their mouths so open.” TO A DAISY. DEAR little dew-eyed daisy, trem. bling so, Wherefore so sad and fearful?— tell me true. Ah, your unspoken secret well I know, For I've a sweetheart who's a daisy, too. Lm FAIRCHILD, FOOLED THE WHEEL. = Algy —" Why, ye say that ye —— wode fifty miles to-day? Your cy- HE WANTED COMPANY. clometer only wegisters twenty- LOST HIS TEMPER. lo, whale five.” ' Vell, what is it, in there 2” “holly —" cathe yez out of a j JONAN (lasinnatinglhy-—"* Say, old cian? you | CAMO" AW. Yess sheoce ney DENNIS —** Shure, Oi fell off of a nine-shtory buildin’ yister- couldn't swallow a nice mermaid to help me pass the Miles, but I wode it in half the time, gay an’ Oi got mad an’ quit” time, could you?” dontcherknow.” Terrence—"Aw, go on! ith the hed)—'* Yer not workin’, Dinnie, Are Yer too sinsitive.”” comicbooks.com