Judge — May 27, 1899 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

330 THE ROYAL ROAD IN ATHLETICS, OW, minion,” cried the Assyrian king, “ bring hither the tablets upon which are inscribed the names of the vic- tors in our athletic games.” The slave prostrated himself and hastened to obey. In amoment he returned, carrying a hod full of bricks, each one of which was cov- ered with cuneiform inscriptions. “'Tis well,” said the king. “Give them to me.” And, taking the hod from the hands of the slave, he dashed its contents on the mar- ble floor, shattering the bricks into a thousand pieces. “Now go,'’ he commanded, “and bid my heralds proclaim in all the streets and market-places TPenRnyn Stans, 1. Gee! it must be— throughout my realm that I, the king, am the boss athlete in Assyria, for I have broken all the records.” A CLEAR CASE, Mrs. Youngwife (on being asked if she had any souvenirs of her marriage, sweetly) —"[—I—have the baby.” IRRITATING. TENDERFOOT —‘* What did the men who lynched that fellow dance on his carcass and riddle it with bullets for?” Lone Pine BILL—"* Because they wuz dead sore on him.” Texpervoot —"* Why f what was the trouble 7” Lone Pine Brrt—** Wa-al, it ‘pears as how he turned out ter be the wrong man.” DEALING IN FUTURES. + SES," said the Chicago man,“ Chicago is way ahead of any other American city. She is twenty years in advance of aS the present time.” “I think that's so,” replied the apa- thetic visitor. “At least, her population statistics are.” HIS WAY. Mr. Hoon—""Squab- bleton quarrels with his wife a great deal, doesn't he?” Mrs, Hoon — Yes: he keeps picking at her like she was a piece of shad.” ILL DISPOSED. ITS the only factory in town that burns soft coal. “ Goodness!” exclaimed Nan; “see how awfully bad that building’s breath is.” A THING of beauty F Wier eae hit, Bill ? mesic IRST VOLUNTEER —** are you hit, a) SkconD VoLUNTE: In the leg.” and JYeawes sreyashed First voLukTeer—" Great Scott! that’s tough. We'll have to t0 believe that it is but get some other fellow to run bases for you at the ball game to-morrow, skin deep. then.” comicbooks.com