Judge, 1899-05-13 · page 6 of 18
Judge — May 13, 1899 — page 6: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* contains several distinct satirical pieces targeting early 20th-century American society: **"An Eastern Tale"** uses an ancient parable framework to mock intellectual pretension. A king inherits vast philosophical knowledge (represented as camel-loads of scrolls), but repeatedly demands it be "boiled down" into smaller, simpler forms. The moral: after years of compression, all human wisdom reduces to a single word—"Perhaps." This satirizes the era's obsession with oversimplifying complex knowledge and the futility of pursuing elaborate learning. **"Too Fat"** and other comic sketches mock contemporary social types—overweight women, domestic incompetence, and marital disappointment. **"Convenient"** jokes about Chicago's marriage-and-divorce industry, suggesting couples treat marriage as disposable with built-in exit clauses. **"Shreds and Patches"** offers philosophical musings on boredom, loneliness, and male-female relations—typical magazine filler humor about dating and marriage failures. The page reflects Judge's satirical focus on intellectual vanity, domestic discord, and urban American customs.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
hote. by Kote. JUDGE'S FAVOKITES. JULIA MAkLowE, Shyly uncertain as an April day— n flower of May, +r fulfilling quite™ % fanot all fora And find thee full of charm as Colinette, The while thy sweet expectancies invite. A DEDUCTION, First hunter — Do you take notice of that sign Is, * No bunting in this lot’? Second hunter—* Yes: and 1 think it a very truthful one. 1 was bunting all through it this ving and didn’t see one bird.” that * Convert this sap to sugar! Boil * What ! thirty camel-loads of books ? wiadge AN EASTERN TALE. MONAKCII died and left his heir A thousand camel-loads of scrolls. A hundred Brahmins had their care — Grave, learned men, with patient souls. TOO FAT. Philosophers the books had writ Who every realm of thought surveyed, And all the wealth of human wit Was here assemb!ed and displayed. ‘The new-made king, who loved not toil, But valued wisdom, gave command, Till not a drop its bulk expand.”* In smaller scope, with labor vast, men pressed the volumes’ lore, Till all, when twenty years had passed, Mrs. Suorwacnes —" I'll jest jump inter the shift A train of thirty camels bore. and row over to th” boat m'self, — With scant approval in his looks The king beheld the laden train. T will not read them! Boil again.” The Brahmins packed the volumes’ thought n terse style. It came to pass That all, when ten years more they'd wrought, Was burden for a single ass. Engrossed amid the cares of state, ‘The monarch mocked their learning’s spoil And thrust them from his palace gate. ** No asses here! Go back and boil.” The Brahmins burned their parchments white And threw away their horns of ink, And did what few men dare who write ; They bravely set themselves to think. Returned at length, "A single word The sum of human knowledge wraps, they all averred, Then on his fan they wrote, rerhaps.” CONVENIENT. Salesman—""Vve got something new that will catch the Chicago trade.” Custome: —" What is we Salesman —"\ mar- riage-certiticate with a di vorce-coupon attached.’ SHREDS AND PATCHES, MAN is sure to be in- teresting when he talks on a subject he knows all about and amus- = ing when he talks of what he is ignorant. It is the vast middle ground that is debatable. We pity a man who meets his ideal and can- not get her; but he is more to be pitied who marries his ideal and finds he has not got her. To be lonely is to feel self a naked soul, shivering in the cold wind of infinity. Boredom is weariness of self and inability to escape from it. > bore is worse than to be bored, but it is not so easy to know when it is happening. It is a good plan to be suspicious whenever you find the conversa- one A DIVIN tion particularly interesting. Rites f wis Seneiott i a nice girl—got money, too. She will What a humorist the first inventor of straps in cable-cars must have been! make a fine wife for some lucky dog. % en i a er to wri AUGY—"" I proposed to her myself, but she refused me.” If you haven't much paper and are in doubt whether to write a sermon or Witty —"* What a miss-fortune. an epigram, write the sermon; it takes less. MARGARET WENTWORTH, comicbooks.com