Judge — April 29, 1899 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

ae tcathiy! hes HIS JOKE. KEWRITER (timidly)—"* Could you—er—let me have ten cents, my dear, for car-fare?_ I—er—want to ride down town and submit this joke to some of the Ium—er—what is the joke about?” HIS REMARKS. ory got a—tee, c¢!~—good one for you, uncle,” chuck- led the old codger's nephew, entering the room where the veter= an was wrangling with his rheumati Phis A man owed another man a dollar, and all the money he had was sey- enty-five cents. So he went to a pawnbroker and pawned the seven- ty-five cents for fifty cents, and then sold the pawn-ticket calling for seventy-five cents to a friend for fifty cents, That made him have two fifty - cent pieces, which amount- ed to one dollar, and he went and paid his bill. Did anybody lose anything in the trans- action; and, if so, who, and how much? You see, he "—— “No, I don't!” broke in old Uncle Grout angrily; “ Idon't see anything about it. I don’t know which ‘one of them fools in the puzzle lost moriey, and 1 don’t care, ei- ther; but I do know that whoever pays any attention to such prob- lems as that loses time which could be more profitably spent in shoveling smoke or chasing around town A SOCIAL VIEW. Erne (of Boston)—" They say he is very rich, but intolerably vulgar.” Victoria (of Chicago) the ‘hog’ every other way.” * You're dead right there, my dear. He's got a load o' dough, but he’s on trying to borrow a bas- ketful of three-cornered auger-holes. There is no possible profit to be gained by solving one of those puzzles; it is time thrown away without hope of re- ward, I suppose that if all the time that has been wasted on such problems was placed end to end it would reach twenty times around the globe and then lap by considera- bly; and if utilized for something worth while I am sure the world would be fully a cent- advanced lightenment, and for all | know it would be 1999. right now, in- stead of 1899. Go to collecting foreign post age-stamps, if you will; smoke cigarettes, write poetry, play the accor- dion, chase a golf-ball over hill and dale, fling away the golden, heav- en-sent hours in any other frivolous way you can think of ; but in the name of common sense don’t waste any of the few days of life and the few opportunities that are vouchsafed you to be of some use in the world in befuddling yourself and your friends with such prob- Jems as that.” TOM Fr, MOKGAN, comicbooks.com