Judge, 1899-04-08 · page 7 of 16
Judge — April 8, 1899 — page 7: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page satirizes American imperialism and domestic political expansion circa early 1900s. **"The Three R's"** (top): Grandpa Jackson advises that the "three R's" (Readin', 'Riting, 'Rithmetic) are safer life paths than acquiring "razors, rabbits'-foots an' rum"—mocking working-class survival strategies. **"An Expansionist"** (middle): A politician boasts how each six inches of physical expansion brought promotions—vote-counting, assessor, burgess, clerk, judge, congressman. This satirizes how political "expansion" (territorial acquisition) becomes justification for endless bureaucratic growth and self-serving ambition. **"Our Growing Needs"** (bottom): Uncle Joshua and Uncle Jedediah debate circular logic: we need coaling-stations to support a larger navy; we need a larger navy to defend the coaling-stations. This mocks the self-perpetuating rationale for American naval expansion and imperialism. **"Millinery Ultimatum"** (right): Mrs. Bidden threatens hat extravagance; her husband fears financial ruin. A domestic counterpoint to imperial spending excess.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
‘pa. Grappa Jackson—"* Why, razors, rabbits'-foots an’ rum, child. AN EXPANSIONIST. EXPANSION is all right, my F know, for 1 have tried, Just listen what it's done for me And see if I have lied. When I first started to expand T measured thirty inch ; But I got a job directly— Counting votes —it was a cinch. , When I'd expanded’ six inch i more I got elected then M Assistant tax-assessor By majority of ten, Six more inches made me bur- Ress: Six more made me county clerk; Six mora made me judge of probate ; After that ‘twas easy work, Six more inches made me counsel For the Squawtown-valley road ; Six more landed me in congress— If they didn’t I'll be blowed. Sixty inch and still expanding, But retired, as you see : And yed couldn't even tempt me With a thousand-dollar fee. So don’t let alarmists scare you, And don't lay awake at night Worrying about expansion, For expansion is all right OUR GROWING NEEDS. Uncle Joshua—“ We've got ter have some more coaling-stations.” Uncle Jedediah—* What do we need ‘em fer?” Uncle Joskua—* Why, ter accommodate our navy. We're goin’ ter have a bigger navy, ye know.” Uncle Jedediah bigger navy? We don't need that, either.” Uncle Joshua—“ We don't? How'd we defend ourrnew coaling- stations, then ?” Dem’s de great *4-11-44" gig of human policy de world ofer.” STanbwe A MILLINERY ULTIMATUM. Mus. BieDen (returning from Easter services, much impressed by the ser- mon)—"* Oh, had I the wings of a dove!” Mr. BixDon (affrightedly)—"* For heaven's sake! don't think of having any more wings on that hat, else you'll ruin me,” comicbooks.com