Judge — April 8, 1899 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

‘pa. Grappa Jackson—"* Why, razors, rabbits'-foots an’ rum, child. AN EXPANSIONIST. EXPANSION is all right, my F know, for 1 have tried, Just listen what it's done for me And see if I have lied. When I first started to expand T measured thirty inch ; But I got a job directly— Counting votes —it was a cinch. , When I'd expanded’ six inch i more I got elected then M Assistant tax-assessor By majority of ten, Six more inches made me bur- Ress: Six more made me county clerk; Six mora made me judge of probate ; After that ‘twas easy work, Six more inches made me counsel For the Squawtown-valley road ; Six more landed me in congress— If they didn’t I'll be blowed. Sixty inch and still expanding, But retired, as you see : And yed couldn't even tempt me With a thousand-dollar fee. So don’t let alarmists scare you, And don't lay awake at night Worrying about expansion, For expansion is all right OUR GROWING NEEDS. Uncle Joshua—“ We've got ter have some more coaling-stations.” Uncle Jedediah—* What do we need ‘em fer?” Uncle Joskua—* Why, ter accommodate our navy. We're goin’ ter have a bigger navy, ye know.” Uncle Jedediah bigger navy? We don't need that, either.” Uncle Joshua—“ We don't? How'd we defend ourrnew coaling- stations, then ?” Dem’s de great *4-11-44" gig of human policy de world ofer.” STanbwe A MILLINERY ULTIMATUM. Mus. BieDen (returning from Easter services, much impressed by the ser- mon)—"* Oh, had I the wings of a dove!” Mr. BixDon (affrightedly)—"* For heaven's sake! don't think of having any more wings on that hat, else you'll ruin me,” comicbooks.com