Judge — March 25, 1899 — page 12: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

wipe AND THE DOG STAYED. THE PEACEMAKER. HEY were Saint Patrick's -day paraders; wearing the traditional high hats, and were standing on an east-side corner after the parade. One was a tall man and the other two short and belligerently in- clined. The tall man seemed to be acting in the réle of peacemaker. “ Hould an, Casey! Hould an, Sullivan !" he exclaimed; “it's a misundherstandin’, Listen to me before yez fight an’ I'll gallentee to make pace bechune yez. He thinks thot you think thoughts thot you AN EXCEPTION. THEY say Chicago grabs all things, But that is wrong, | see ; Though I was there eleven days She didn't grow on me. A MANIFEST FRAUD. Uncle Abner —"\'ve about lost faith in this here Dr. Fayke'’s dys- pepsia salve. I've used the box almost up. an’ I git nauseated after drinkin’ hard cider jest like 1 useter.” Aunt Filura —™ Jest let me see the box, Abner. Well, I don’t don't think, an’ you think thot he potides pihat icy ale bf doin hye De, thinks thoughts thot he don’t think ; Sood at rere sno revenue. stamp, in other words, aich av yez think a on thot the other thinks thoughts thot f nayther av you thinks.” There was silence for a moment UNAVAILING. Aunt Chloe — Didn't I dun tole yer, Rufus, dat I'd — then a simultaneous biff — biff — and the tall man went down before two well-directed. _whop yer ef yer went blackberryin’ ?" blows, his assailants falling over him. Rufus —“ Don’t whop me, mammy; mah pants am Extricating himself, the astonished peacemaker scrambled up and without a word | {ull ob briers an’ yo'll hurt yo" hand.” scurried around the corner. Aunt Chloe—"T'ank. yer, son; I'll jess use mah Thie others climbed to their feet in a dazed way, recovered their hats, contemplated _ slipper.” each other with a combative glare for a moment, and suddenly extending hands exclaimed, “ Put it there!" A * He was luckin’ fur thot fur a long time,” said Sullivan, s N “ Well, he got it, didn’t he ?" the other answered. “Let us hov a schmoile on the hid av it. The last deponent saw they were entering the corner saloon arm in arm. ceonce &. Deve. THE FATES AGAINST HER. Aunt Sarah (alter returning from a funeral in the neighborhood, despondently)—“ It does seem ‘s though I'm nev- er goin’ to have a funeral at home, so folks can know what 9 good housekeeper 1 am —an’ there's all my new china, too!” 8. And then the roller-shade got in its work, OUT OF LINE. TURE is stern and perverse her way, As we know with the best of reason ; If she wasn't we'd have Saint Patrick's day Occur in the green-apple season. MORE LIKELY. Ho’ crazed he looks, how tempest-tossed ! A sign, ‘tis said, he’s loved and Jost, And yet I'll bet, sixteen to one, It’s all because he's loved and won. JUST SO. Little boy (who has just had a tumble) — “ Papa, I think you can ride the wheel best when you ain’t on it.” OUT OF HIS JURISDICTION. EXAMINING PHYSICIAN —‘* What's yoor business 7” Recevrr—"An embalmer, sir.” EXAMinina PHysician —*Er—hem— you had better consult headquarters for an assignment in the commissary de- partment.” A COURTEOUS RETORT. 4 4 Bey comicbooks.com