Judge, 1899-03-18 · page 5 of 16
Judge — March 18, 1899 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical vignettes typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"The True Inwardness of It"** is a biblical joke: a mermaid asks a whale why it released the prophet Jonah, and the whale replies "it's pretty hard to keep a good man down"—suggesting even miraculous captivity can't contain exceptional people. **"A Modern Fairy-Tale"** satirizes American materialism and fashion obsession. A wealthy man (Cholly Vandergold) survives torture by claiming New York neckwear fashions are more intimidating, so impressing cannibals with Western style that they crown him king. **"Had Read About It Before"** is a pun: a man mistakes "appendix" (the book section) for the medical condition, implying the statesman died from appendicitis rather than understanding the actual reference. **"A Good Reason"** appears to reference the Spanish-American War and controversies over "embalmed beef" supplied to troops—a farmer logically notes dead soldiers can't testify about whether the spoiled meat killed them. **"Quite a Difference"** plays on semantic wordplay between "worked for" and "employed by," suggesting class distinction in servant-employer language.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE TRUE INWARDNESS OF IT. Mermatp—'‘Aren't you the whale that swallowed Jonah?” Wuate—"* Vep.” 2 Menuaib—" Well, why did you let him go?" WHALE—" Oh, it's pretty hard to keep a good man down.” A MODERN FAIRY-TALE, AROUND the neck of the unfortunate victim, with dexterous care, the cannibal chief fastened the iron collar of torture, an instrument simi- lar in fashion to those used at the time of the inquisition. For half an hour this was kept on the neck of the prisoner, and death was expected as acertain result. However, when it was removed Cholly Vandergold jumped up with a sprightly smile and gave the savages the merry ha, ha! “Go,” he laughed, “and observe the New York fashions in neckwear for the past yer and you'll try no more monkey-tricks with me.” And so awed were the chiefs of the tribe that they made him their honored king for the rest of his natural life. HAD READ ABOUT IT BEFORE, Mrs. Rakestraw—" So you've finished readin’ the biography of that statesman, Well, what did he finally die of?” Rakestraw—" Why, of this here new disease that we read about so much lately. I see by the headin’ of the chapter that the last thirty pages in the book is about the appendix.’ erannws Ro caabeontens TURKISH DELIGHT. © marvel of mystery's daughters, White lily of Asia's sweet waters, The prize of grim sieges and slaughters fated to be. \cuishing glances, (Of veiled and voluptuous dances, (Of hades the Turk takes bis chances ‘Whilst striving for heaven with thee. A GOOD REASON. Mrs, Dunk (in the midst of her reading)—* If that ‘embalmed beef,” as they call it, was so dangerous that it killed the common soldiers that ett it, seems to me they'd have some of ‘em testifyin’ about it.” Farmer Dunk —“ Wa-al, 1 s'pose the reason they don’t is b’cuz them that was killed by the durned stuff ain't in a position to testify, an’ them that wasn’t killed by it dqn't know whether it would have killed “em or not.” QUITE A DIFFERENCE. Mus. WuirrLeTrg2—'* You say the last man you worked for was Farmer Meadowgrass 7” Weary Wittiz—* No, ma’am; I said he was de last man dat employed me.” comicbooks.com