Judge — March 18, 1899 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE TRUE INWARDNESS OF IT. Mermatp—'‘Aren't you the whale that swallowed Jonah?” Wuate—"* Vep.” 2 Menuaib—" Well, why did you let him go?" WHALE—" Oh, it's pretty hard to keep a good man down.” A MODERN FAIRY-TALE, AROUND the neck of the unfortunate victim, with dexterous care, the cannibal chief fastened the iron collar of torture, an instrument simi- lar in fashion to those used at the time of the inquisition. For half an hour this was kept on the neck of the prisoner, and death was expected as acertain result. However, when it was removed Cholly Vandergold jumped up with a sprightly smile and gave the savages the merry ha, ha! “Go,” he laughed, “and observe the New York fashions in neckwear for the past yer and you'll try no more monkey-tricks with me.” And so awed were the chiefs of the tribe that they made him their honored king for the rest of his natural life. HAD READ ABOUT IT BEFORE, Mrs. Rakestraw—" So you've finished readin’ the biography of that statesman, Well, what did he finally die of?” Rakestraw—" Why, of this here new disease that we read about so much lately. I see by the headin’ of the chapter that the last thirty pages in the book is about the appendix.’ erannws Ro caabeontens TURKISH DELIGHT. © marvel of mystery's daughters, White lily of Asia's sweet waters, The prize of grim sieges and slaughters fated to be. \cuishing glances, (Of veiled and voluptuous dances, (Of hades the Turk takes bis chances ‘Whilst striving for heaven with thee. A GOOD REASON. Mrs, Dunk (in the midst of her reading)—* If that ‘embalmed beef,” as they call it, was so dangerous that it killed the common soldiers that ett it, seems to me they'd have some of ‘em testifyin’ about it.” Farmer Dunk —“ Wa-al, 1 s'pose the reason they don’t is b’cuz them that was killed by the durned stuff ain't in a position to testify, an’ them that wasn’t killed by it dqn't know whether it would have killed “em or not.” QUITE A DIFFERENCE. Mus. WuirrLeTrg2—'* You say the last man you worked for was Farmer Meadowgrass 7” Weary Wittiz—* No, ma’am; I said he was de last man dat employed me.” comicbooks.com