Judge, 1899-02-25 · page 8 of 22
Judge — February 25, 1899 — page 8: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several satirical jokes and cartoons typical of early 20th-century American humor: **"He Will"** mocks people who neglect snow removal, suggesting Saint Peter will send them to a place without snow as punishment. **"Her Last Chance"** jokes about a woman's marriageability, implying her romantic prospects depend entirely on a suitor's proposal. **"Unprofitable"** satirizes marital finances—a husband abandoned household accounting after discovering his expenses exceeded his income in just one year. **"Didn't Hurt the Tree"** references the apocryphal young George Washington and the cherry tree, but reverses it: while George merely chopped it down, his father "chopped it up" (likely for firewood), making the father's action more destructive. **"No Danger"** features an anti-imperialist debating Philippine annexation. The joke: investigations into past wars take so long that new wars start before inquiries conclude—satirizing both American expansionism and government inefficiency. The remaining items are brief one-liners about fashion and domestic absurdities. The page exemplifies Judge's blend of political commentary and domestic humor.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
E WILL: When the man who never, never Keeps his sidewalks clear of snow Goes at last forever, ever, As we all must go, Then the just Saint Peter, Peter Will with swift decision ery, ** Pass, in quickest meter, meter, Where no snow-drifts Mis. CRONGR ARCHIBALD. HER LAST CHANCE. Madge—* What is Miss Autumn go- ing to give up this Lent Marjorie—* \{ that gentleman who calls on her doesn’t propose she'll probably give up all thoughts of getting married.” UNPROFITABLE. Nephew—" You say that when you first got married you started out to keep an account of all your living expenses. How long did you keep it up?” Uncle Jedediah— Jest one year, Harold. ‘The dinged thing counted up so high that if I'd kept the account another year | wouldn't have had a red cent left.” TRainen—" Hit hi Suorty—"* Where is DIDN’T HURT THE TREE, WHEN George's hatchet did its work Ile quaffed of sorrow's cup ; And though it caused him great alarm He really did but little harm ; For though young Georgie chopped it down Ilis father chopped it up. HELO you RYBBLR NATURAL DISADVANTAGES. * Tam almost sorry that knickerbockers are so fashionable.” Tue n1Pro- ‘o tell the truth, so am I.” NO DANGER. +4] TELL you.” said the anti-expansionist, “the annexation of the Philippines will whet the appetite of the United States for con- quest. We shall become drunk with human blood. We shall become a military nation, and war will follow war in rapid succession.” “Oh, nonsense'” replied the other man. “The wars of the United States will be few and far apart.” “ What. makes you say that?” “Well, after one war is closed it will take a generation to get through with the investigation.” A HOT RETORT. ** Where did it come from ?” How did it get there ?* Throw suthin’ at it here'll be a reward, sure.” * Poll A CAMEL'S-HAIR BRUSH, (Amd them the bond spoke.) comicbooks.com