Judge — February 25, 1899 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Suage IN KLONDIKE. GOT a letter from my son Five daily papers, woman’s-rights, Elijah vother day. Association, and He went to Klondike on the run A base-ball nine that ain't a mark ; A year ago last May. A Turkish bath, a pen- He writes that Dawson city is Itentiary, trotting-park, The finest ever seen; And boodle aldermen ; ‘The stores are simply full of biz, Six jails, two schools, a boule. 5 0 ‘And sandwiched in between vard *hyR They've got a dozen hotels and Foundations for a church— A half a hundred dives ; Chicago ‘s got ter hustle hard The finest vaud'ville in the land, Or get left in the lurch. And everybody thrives. In fact, Elijah says as how They've got ten banks, lickerish That Dawson can’t be beat lights, There's all things in Alaska now Dime-museums, and a band ; Excepting gold and heat HE KNEW. Teacher—* Why did Washington cross the Delaware river?” Johnny Thickneck—" To git on the other side.” A CHIP FROM THE HATCHET. se MAMMA,” declared Willie thoughtfully, “1 don’t see how Washington ever could “TLL METER WHEN THE SUN GOES DOWN.” have remained a statesman if he adhered strictly to his early principles.” AT THE FEBRUARY TEA-PARTY. WHEN arrived, ia regimentals tig, She stood dispensing tea and sally-lunns, Transformed by stiff brocade and powdered wig, The fairest of all Lady Washingtons, In time I craved the favor of a cup Of her own savory, delicious brew, Which serving me and looking coyly up, She caught and eyed askance my buff and bluc, Her glance said plainly as a spoken word In donning them I'd gone a step too far ; For my forebears wore red for George the third, And Mattie is a loyal d. a. r. So when the urns were drained and growing cold, To calm the torrent of a rising gorge And justify my action, 1 made bold Myself to liken to that other George. She listened, then incredulously asked, ** And wherein, pray, does the resemblance lie? ‘Take care, sir, that no innuendo ’s masked By the fine words with which. you make reply.” “It's simply this,” I said, intensely grim.” ‘+ Where he was vanquished I'm content to be; ARRANGING TERMS. F . i : And what fair Martha Custis did for him Cnotty—"' If you will give me your daughter I shall be glad to have my mother-in-law visit us at ‘Abothicr Martha's lately doné for me” any time and stay as long as she wants to, ‘ Mx, SURETHING—" Promise to keep her there, some way, as long as / want you' to and I guess we sowano w- BARKARD, can arrange things. Y IS IT? (From an account of a recent wed- ding: "The maid of honor, Miss Edythe Blancque. preceded the bride, Alias Grayce Blaheque.”) E THOUGHT the world was quite awry When Mary changed to Mayme; When Caroline put out her i And Carolyn became ; When Edythe followed in her wake And Alys came apace ; Bat oh, for goodness gracious’ sake! Do draw the line at Grayce. ANNA MATHEWSON, TO AVOID LABOR. Village cousin (showing his city relative around the hamlet) hat fellow lounging over there has just completed a table- top composed of four thousand, seven hundred and sixty-three separate pieces of wood. City cousin— What did he do that for?” Village cousin—" Oh, just to keep from working. THE DIFFERENCE. James—‘* W'ot's de matter—has he bin a-workin’ de growler agin?” * No; dis time de growler 's bin a-workin’ him.” comicbooks.com