Judge, 1899-02-11 · page 5 of 16
Judge — February 11, 1899 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical pieces typical of late 19th/early 20th-century American humor: **"Business Proposition"**: A professor cynically exploits Saint Valentine's Day custom by selling leftover valentines to students at "greatly reduced rates"—the joke being his transparent attempt to profit from a tradition he claims not to endorse. **"The Spoils of Office"**: Satirizes political patronage; a newly appointed postmaster jokes about buying stamps wholesale, suggesting government positions exist primarily for personal financial gain. **"Balm of Gilead"**: Mocks Mormon polygamy. A dying polygamist smiles upon hearing there are "no marriages in heaven"—darkly suggesting relief at escaping his many wives. **"Literal Irony"**: The two cartoons labeled "Waldorf" and "Walled-off" appear to be visual puns about exclusivity or social barriers, though details are unclear from the image. **"A Practical Accomplishment"**: Ridicules theosophical spiritualism, specifically astral projection claims—contemporary pseudoscience. The page demonstrates Judge's satirical targets: institutional hypocrisy, political corruption, religious practices, and intellectual fads.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
USINESS PROPOSITION. ‘The professor rapped on his desk for attention.“ To-morrow is Saint Valen- y."" he observed, “and it has long been the custom in this school for the pupils to send their teacher valentines, either comic of sentimental . according to the taste of the sender. At this point the boys began to snicker and the girls to blush and look con sciou: “ While I do not approve of this silly custom,” continued the professor, “I shall not go so far as to forbid it, 1 merely take this opportunity to announce that I have on hand a large and varied assortment of valentines which I received last year, and which Tam willing to dispose of at greatly reduced rates.” THE SPOILS OF OFFICE. Mr. Smith—* Well, Maria, V've got my appointment at last. I'm to be postmaster.” ife—" Won't that be nice? Now we can get our postage-stamps at wholesale pric THE DOCTOR'S VALENTINE, KNOW if it were mine to choose (And T would be quite willing), I'd look for what would meet your views, And pick out something killing, BALM OF GILEAD. HE mormon lay breathing his last while the elder was reading from the bible words of hope and promise. Suddenly there appeared a radiant smile upon the sufferer’s emaciat- ed countenance, and with an effort he half raised himself. Elder,” he S WORLD'S FA/K.—No. 4, said feebly, MADEMOISELLE. MONTREAL, Flower of French and English stock, ; read that Fairy chip of the old iee-boe ast pass: ¢ frosty air ts like champagne ast Passage One sips it with you—mat fa van . Sleigh-ride, toboggan, snow-shoes, skates— There Bach breath we draw exhilarates marriages in heaven,’ re-read the elder. Again the radiant look suffused the much-married sufferer’s visage. “Oh, death! where is thy sting?" he gasped, and fell back lifeless. A PRACTICAL ACCOMPLISHMENT. Warwick — Professor van Spook has become one of the most earnest theosophists I ever knew. He has set his head on being able to separate his soul from his body. He says he can imagine no greater pleasure than to put his body to bed for a ° sunt tepape few hours, or even days, and allow his astral being to visit other meses ' Actin Remenberibas hws sod «4 localities and climes.” Mrs. NewLywen (caustically) emember that it was you who did the proposing.’ Pein a ig , Mr. Newsywep—" Yes; on the same principle that the felon who steps upon the Wickwire—" Nes; | never knew a man to dislike to go new antomatic gallows does the hanging.” through a siege of house-cleaning as much as the professor.” 6 villly HI LITERAL IRONY. Waldorf. Walled-off. comicbooks.com