Judge — January 28, 1899 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

IN EARNEST, *6YOU have a humorist in this town,” remarked the stranger, addressing the landlord of the tavern at Pet- tyville. “As I was coming from the depot, an hour ago, a butcher's horse burst out of an alley and dashed around the corner at such speed that he overturned the wagon to which he was attached on top of a slim, round -shouldered Intle man who had been walk- ing along in front of me. A quarter of beef, which had been in the wagon, knocked the man down, and then the vehicle whirled over on top of both the citizen and the beef. Then it looked as if the wagon, meat and man made a complete revolution in the air and then scraped along for about forty feet side- ways on the ground with the man at the bottom of the pile. The horse dashed on, leaving the beef but dragging the man along beneath the over- turned wagon, and then whirled abruptly around and whipped the whole outfit against a tree, broke out of the harness and snorted off down the street, leaving the man twisted around the trunk of the tree, with his head through one of the broken wheels and his senses completely knocked out of him for the time being. It took some little while to re- store him to consciousness after he had been carried into the drug-store, and then somebody asked him the usual conundrum if he was hurt. “*Oh, no,’ he a red, with feeble jauntiness. ‘1 don’t mind it in the least. In fact, I am used to it.” Qi a joker, wasn’t he?” “I don't know as he was,” replied the landlord. “1 heard about the accident a spell ago. That was Lyman Tutt. He wasn’t tryin’ to git off a joke; I guess he is used to it, just as he said—about three months ago he married a wi years older than himself, with five grown daughters.” Photo. by Hall. JUDGE'S FAVORITES. MELEN BRACKETT IN ‘KATE KIP, BUYER.” thing or two ‘About her business as a buyer: She started by securing you To help her when she took a flyer, And organized a beauty show By way of booming trade, you know. Pat—"* Moike, are yez still aloive?" Mixe ( from delow)—" Vis, thanks to the good saints! I'm still aloive, but I’m up to me poipe in water.” THE DRUMMER’S LAMENT. OH! TIMES are hard indeed, of which I'm the sad recorder 5 No business doing everywhere I roam, T've been out now three weeks and got but a single order, And that was from the firm to come straight home. EASILY REMEDIED. Manager (patent-medicine company)—“ The printers have made a mistake in these colored folders we just got out for our new medicine. It was to cure catarrh, and they've printed it cancer. It is too costly a job for us to throw these things away, but it’s a bad blunder.” Proprtetor—" Yes, it is. We'll have to change the name to cancer on the labels on the bottles.” Ce A A LINGUIST. COLLEGE son (relating an incident)—" You see, we hocus-pocused the old guy and kept giving him the dinky-dink till his nibs was fairly flabbergasted.” FATHER (in perplexed admiration) —" Uv co'rse, my son, me an’ yer ma is mighty proud uv th’ way yew kin mix them forrin langwidges in yer conversashun, bat at th’ same time yew ‘ll hev tew throw in a leetle more Inglish ef yew want us tew understand w’ot yew air drivin’ at.” comicbooks.com