Judge — January 28, 1899 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

wlidge. PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK AT THE JUDGE BUILDING. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITED STATES AND CANADA TH ADVANCR. One copy, one year. or $2 numbers - $5.00 One copy, six months, or 26 numbers - ‘One copy. for thirteen weeks ~~ including the Cunist FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS Sorcign countries im the postal Evnorean sautsacents—/mter national mews company, Brea dom; bi 4, avenue de (Opera, Paris; Saari D Corner Fifth Avenue and Sixteeath Street, New York. $W-Circulation larger tham any other cartoon weekly in the world. EW NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS,—The contents of Juoce are protected by copy! both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this copyright will be promptly an vigorously prosecuted. ASUINALDO is brushing himself against a rope with a noose in it. CAN TOO MUCH be said of the patience of a man who voluntarily wears collars that cut his ears? PNEUMONIA has skipped a few of our great men, but the others of us feel as if they were being searched for. VICTOR NAPOLEON, Don Carlos and Madam Dominis ought to pool their issues and enact themselves into a syndicate. ‘OURTESY in response to courtesy is unavoid- able; but the old boys in gray mustn't expect the pres- ident to carry the stars and bars. THs COUNTRY has a larger space in the Paris exposition than any other ex- cept Russia: and if that's expansion you can make the most of it. THAT PHILADELPHIA is without rapidity is again attested by the fact that a Philadelphian sixty- eight years old has just be- gun to cut his teeth, BANK-PRESIDENT— OOKS to the number of five hundred have been stolen by a Yale divin- ity student.. He will find presently that his kind of divinity shapes his ends rough. BOSTON, according to the Rochester Democrat, gave out frightened squawks when she was threatened with Spanish war-ships. Not at all, not at all. They were intellectual protests. NINETEEN YEARS for a badger man is pretty severe punishment; but his partner, being pretty, is merely to be pitied and left free to pick out another partner and badger some more. HALL CAINE ‘says he loves the American people because they are easily moved to tears or laughter. The laughter Mr. Caine has pro- voked must have been that excessive luxury of grief which produces hys- terics. THE CONSCIENCE of an Illinois man smote him so sorely that he confessed to four wives and gave himself up to the police. In Utah when a man finds himself embarrassed in that way he gets himself elected to congress. ‘THE FINING of several persons in New Jersey for playing golf on Sun- day is the beginning of a great reform. Hereafter let the girls of that state whistle or slide down the banisters on Sunday and they will be promptly sent to jail. WHAT SAVED THE BANK. 'm afraid there will be a run on the bank to-morrow.” Then you must hire an organ-grinder to stand in the corridor and play “On the banks of the Wabash ° all day long. money than stand in line for hours listening to that.” BAILEY AND BRYAN. JOSEPH BAILEY cannot begin with Mr. Bryan as an orator, so that he would be foolish to attempt rivalry with that gentleman. His audience has generally consisted solely of Speaker Reed, and that authority has gen- erally cut him short with every manifestation of disapproval. A CLEAN JOB, +e] T IS FINISHED!” exclaimed one of the Spanish commissioners when the names of the several commissioners had been signed to the peace document in Paris. “H'm!" exclaimed Sagasta when he heard of it, with difficulty suppressing a shriek; “and so are we—so are we!” MAPS. N EW MAPS are as common as the days of the week. The president's trip through the south has turned that locality over to what Mr. Bryan calls the enemy's country; and the silver question is practically off all the other maps—with a chance, however, for its revival in behalf of the memory and the political future of the boy orator. QUEEN AND PRETENDER. HE DUKE OF ORLEANS has been treated coldly by Victoria; but let him console himself with the reflection that she will treat him ami- ably just as soon as he mounts the'throne of France. Courtesies by roy- alty are not given to pretention, but only to the accomplished fact ; on that depends the worthiness or otherwise of every pretender. SCIENCE FOR HEALTH. A NATIONAL sporting club has witnessed two thousand boxing- matches, and only one of the participants therein has been killed, Presently we shall hear of boxing- matches as alleviators of all manner of human suffering and the most profitable of all exercising; and at the same time if there is no death in them their pa- trons will be greatly disap- pointed. LET US HAVE PEACE. SCIENTISTS DISCOV- ER that many more boys than girls have been born in this country during and since the war, and attribute it to the pre-natal influence pre- ceding and, attending the struggle. It is far better to have superfluous women than men, as any thoughtful man will admit; so that here is an argument in behalf of peace that is rather better than any of the others. ‘hem depositors would sooner lose their NO HARM DONE. THERE IS SOME viciousness in the criticisms of Lieutenant Hobson for his kissing experiences, and apparently it is the result of not a little envy of his reputation as a brave man as well as his generosity as a dispenser of the minor affections. Let his heart not be troubled. That is unavoidably a part of human nature, and his reputation can stand it pro- vided he osculates no more, THE FOOLISHNESS OF VANITY. THE ARREST of a man for calling the kaiser a calf's head is proof that the opinion was founded on truth, Had the arrest not been made the world would never have heard of the incident, and the question as to his majesty’s resemblance to that part of the premature meat would not have arisen. The young man is not without good points, but we tell him that he cannot stand the discussion. THE SUBLIMITY OF EGOTISM. + THE VERY ACME of infamy.” says Bloody-bridle Waite, speaking of opposition to expansion. Mr. Waite is perhaps the Blanco of Colorado. With him everything is powerfully good or hopelessly bad, It ought to be permissible occasionally for a man to have an opinion in op- position to his opinion and still be an honest man, but if he were in author- ity he would hang and quarter every man of that kind. And what would become of a country ruled by such crazy idiots as he? comicbooks.com