Judge, 1899-01-21 · page 10 of 16
Judge — January 21, 1899 — page 10: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains multiple satirical pieces typical of late 19th/early 20th-century American humor: **"Little Johnny's Diary"** is the main feature—a serial humor column where a boy documents his resolutions and juvenile dramas (lost love to a rival, a fight with best friend Bill Smith). The satire gently mocks childhood earnestness and the contrast between lofty diary ambitions and actual behavior. **"A Fable"** uses kitten-and-dog photographs to illustrate imperialism: a generous kitten shares with a hungry dog, but the dog then dominates and excludes the kitten. The moral explicitly compares this to smaller nations being colonized by larger powers seeking "coaling-stations"—a reference to imperial expansion. **"Those French Bills-of-Fare"** satirizes restaurant menus, where a customer ordered three different dishes only to receive potatoes in all forms—poking fun at either deceptive French cuisine or immigrant restaurant pretensions. The smaller poems ("Proof Positive," "Outside and In") are light verses about gambling and bitter apples, respectively.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
January fourth —I don't care whether she does or not. January fifth — To-day it snowed. January sixth —To-day it didn’t. January seventh — Darn a diary, anyhow! om P. moncan. PROOF POSITIVE, YOU'LL find lots of money in poker, Even when the game is square, I assure you, and I'm no joker, For all of my money is there. OUTSIDE AND IN. Willie (having taken a bite of a fair but very bitter apple)— Gracious ! what an awfully nice bad apple that is.” meat A FABLE, oe tress mai¢ biey yout her liars, Hr—* There's the only girl I ever loved, an’ I dassent go near her ‘cause she’s gittin’ the measles.”” LITTLE JOHNNY’S DIARY. JANUARY FIRST—This is my new diary. Ain't it a beaut? And, say, I'm goin’ to keep it faithful all this year, so’s that when I grow up to be a man I can look over it and understand just how a boy feels, and mebby then I won't want to lick my son as much as pa licks me now. I have swore off all my bad habits to-day, and when I am aman I expect to be a minister, or at least a deacon, Willie Smith is my best friend; we have swore to be true to each other till death. Jenny Flitters is my sweetheart, and she has got red cheeks and all kinds of dark eyes. My pen is poor and my ink is pale, but my love for her will never fale. A generous kitten, who was not a hog. January second—Bill Smith took Jen Flitters home from Harry Raddles’s party last Once shared her cream-bowl with a hungry dog. night, and I heard her call him “ Mister" Smith and say I wasn’t nothin’ but a green boy, There is goin’ to be a fight the first time I ketch “ Mister" Smith. January third—Me and Bill Smith fought to-day. One of us got licked. When I grow up I am goin’ to be a pirate and wash my hands in goar. I wonder when I am hung if Jen Flitters will come to gloat over me? At first they shared the cream ; but soon the cur Pushed out the kitten, caring naught for her. Next, unabashed, he stared her in the face And growled, ** Get out of here ; I own this place !* MORAL. = Kitten, you're like a little helpless nation THOSE FRENCH BILLS-OF-FARE. That peeiey some greater power a coaling-station, Custommr— This is awful! I've ordered three different dishes, and they are And then awakes to find that in a minute all potatoes.” He's become boss and you are nowhere in it, a | en comicbooks.com