Judge — January 7, 1899 — page 11: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SLIGHTLY BEWILDERED. Our town of Paw-paw-on-the-crick set out to stir the nation By celebratin’ peace. We planned a monster demonstration, But presently black eyes was scattered through the hull committee Because the chairman made remarks that wasn't exackly pretty. Wives sided with their husbands, as they'll do in outside matters ; School-children took it,up; tore one another's books to tatters: ‘The neighborin® townships all mixed in. row 's been gettin’ thicker, Till life-insurance comp nies dodge a Paw-paw- on-the-cricker. The It’s what he calls a paradox, my friend, the wise professo I take his word for it, ‘cause he’s a most ac- complished guesser. It's je’ tHe same way with the czar. He starts a peace petition An’ all the world gits up an’ says the amiable condition Which he suggests is what we need. An’ then the bayonets rattle, An’ all the monarchs put themselves in readi- ness for battle. It beats my time to see the funny way that things ‘Il happen, With everybody yellin’ * Peace !” an’ everybody scrappin’, — Washington Star. Millions of bottles of Cook's Imperial Cham- fagne, extra dry, have been drank, always leav- ing a taste for more. Kindergarten tacher—"* Tommy. when both hands are up what time it?” Tommy (son of a prize-fighter)—"* It's time to undercut.” Jewelers: Weekly, No New Year's table is complete with- cut a bottle of Dr. Siegert’s Angostura Bitters, the great South American tonic, of exquisite favor. We never enjoy perfect happiness. Our most fortunate successes are mingled with sad- ness; some anxieties always perplex the reality of our satisfaction. — Corneille. Mrs. Newrich—" 1 want to get a book of reference.” Publisher—"' Yes, madam. What particular book do you want?” Afrs. Mewrich I didn’t know there's more than one. I read in the paper about a book of reference, and I want to see if the reference my new sery- ant-girl gave me is right."—PAiladelphia Rec- ord. BABY'S PUZZLE. Who is my pop, for gracious sake? "Cause when the little sunbeams creep Into the corner where I sleep ‘And tickle me awake ‘A man with such a tousled head Conies every morning to my bed And scratches me with his rough beard ‘And says, " Hey, oh ! now don't be skeared, You blessed little ‘lasses-drop ! Don't you know pop?’ And then there comes another man, Who has gold glasses and a stud, And always wears a posy-bud, And looks so spick and span, And lets me rub his smoovey chin ; And if don’t just coo and grin And kick my heels and want to play He's almost always sure to say, ** You blessed little ‘lasses-drop ! ‘Don't you know pop?” And then, when night-time "s almost here, ‘And mother has.the table set And says, ** Now don’t be seepy yet, But wait for papa, dear,” Uhear her saying, with a kiss, You poor, dear, tired old man!" And this ‘Tired man sits down beside my bed And says just what the other men said— ** You blessed little ‘lasses-drop ! Don't you know pop?” So while I lie here all day long And stretch my arms and kick my feet, And cry for something more to eat, ‘And sing a sleepy song, T think about that tousled man, And then the one all spick and span, ‘And then the one so tired and white ‘That comes to see me every night, ‘And wonder till my eyelids drop— Who is my pop? —Arthur Boswell. A Revelation to Americans. rar first “colony” Leoeftt Purchasers of Lcke's Balle sot glad to get theen, receive full refund. Apprect tive trade only ia wanted. LUCKE S a 100: BOX2=$ 1 ees A Porto Rican Treat. Excelling Cuban Vuelta. Ae el, ma FILLER $33., Oy "Giaciesali o. When it's a case of a woman patriotism has ‘a way of getting ahead even of the logic for which she is so famous. ** You Il vote for Ted- die, of course?” said a New York womaa toa man from Jersey last ‘Tuesday. ** How can 1?" asked the man. ‘'I live in another state." “Ob, well,” said the woman, ‘* you'll vote for him out in New Jersey, won't you?"—New York Evening Sun. Mr. Lawhead—" Why do you treat me so coldly? Why didn’t you answer the note I wrote you last Thursday?” Miss Brushley— “Sir, 1 don't wish to have anything mor: to say to you You began your note by saying you ‘thought you would drop me a line.” I want you to understand that I'm not a fish."— Chicago News. Bright eyes, rosy cheeks—the result of tak- ing Abbott's, The Original Angostura Bitters, Miss Maude Rordebush, the grand-opera singer who was upon the wrecked Mohegan, says, “I am alive to-day simply through the fact’that my voice had been trained and I un- derstood how to make my cries for help heard ata distance.” Maude evidently had had ex- perience with high C’s before.—Chicago Times Herald. First Elmiran—" Yow's your boy Zeke get- tin’ along down in Noo York?" Second El- miran—" Waal, 1 hain't heard from him in a long time: but I guess he’s gone into the noos- paper business, ‘coz I read in the paper that he wuz correspondent in a big lawsuit down there."—Binghamton Times, The Boston 7ranscript says that if the miss ing link were a golf-link it wouldn't be missed. A Rarebit or Sandwich washed down with a bottle of creamy, nappy, spark- ling, mellow, old Evans’ Ale Goes Right to the Spot. The best Chep Her Hotels and Restaurant A Natural Black is Producad by Buckingham’ me ih Whiskers. SOcts. ning 1 oF R.P. Hall & Co,,Nashus,N.H, Wily money-lender—" You want one bun- dred pounds. Here's the money. | charge you five per cent. a month. And you want it for a year; that just leaves forty pounds com. ing to you.” /nnocent borrower—* Then if L wanted it for two years there'd be something coming to you, ch? —/udy. Take Dr, Bull's Cough Syrup for all those dangerous affections — severe colds, pleurisy and gtippe—which fall and winter bring along. Its the Rreatest cure for bronchitts and all throat and lung affections. Ls ‘The French are torn with hunger cruel ; No words can tell the pain they teel. Such is their dire extremity It seems they must devour Emile. —Harvard Lampoon. ‘It's all up with us now,” he remarked as he raised the umbrella.‘ No,” she replied ; ** you mean it is all over between us.” And if it was not laughter that shook the ribs of the umbrella it must have been the wind.—PAila- delphia Bulletin, "+0 thew end — whe art 19 Lovely jour and smell st 40 neeet.”— OTHELLO, Iv, 8. Yale AA Centlemais Smoke Is the pipe-smoker’s de- light! All that’s best in pipe tobacco is here for your enjoyment. Try it—on the yacht, at the seashore, In the mountains —where cigars never satisfy. DON’T TAKE IT 1f your dealer offers you another collar bution an ‘says “it's just as good” as the KREMENTZ One-Piece Collar Button. There's no “ just-as-good" kind made. You get a new one in case of accident of any kind. All jewelers sell them, Insist on getting the KREMENTZ. Postal us for booklet. KREMENTZ & CO., 41 Chestnut St., Newark, N. J. In character, in manners, in style, in all things. the supreme excellence is simplicity.— Longfellow, SAVE><YOUR FUEL @ By using our (stove pipe) RADIATOR With its 120 Cross Tubes, ONE stovoor furnace does the work of TWO, Drop postal for proots from prominent men, TO INTRODUCE OUR RADIATOR, where wo havo no active agent wo vill gollat wholesale price, Writoat once, ROCHESTER RADIATOR COMPANY, 108 Furnace St.. ROCHESTER, M, Y. THE CELEBRATED SOHMER HEADS THE LIST Or THE HIGHEST GRADE PIANOS. Zt is the favorite of the artists and the refined musical public. SOHMER & CO., Piano Manufacturers New York Warerooms, SOHMER BUILDING FIFTH AVENUE, COR, 220 STREET. WHITE PLAINS, iLY, ure eo Prodoce each s ‘disease having dofiaite pathology. ‘Tho diseaso yields easily to the Doable Calorige of Gold ‘freatment as admintetered at the KEELEY INSTITUTE, Walle Palas, 5. ¥., oF $38 Alcohol, Opium, Tobacco Using # A better Cocktail at home than is served over any bar in the World. 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