Judge — December 31, 1898 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Supe TOO FLY FOR HIM. «+ EXCUSE me, sir; but there is a fly in your beer.” This remark, addressed to an apparently placid- looking German by a somewhat seedy personage, had the instantaneous effect of bringing the worthy Teuton from a lethargic sitting posture at once to his feet, an object of vehement irascibility, “+ Berhaps you vas von ohf dose humanimydarians vot vouldshate to see a fly got trownded, ain‘d id? Maype you’ vas vont obf.dem s. p.c. a. agents vot vill » haf me arrested alretty. vorice for cruelty to animals? _~ Berhaps you tink dot I vill remove dot fly gnd ask you to trink mit me out ohf courtesy, or dot J vill decline to gonsume dot Jaget‘ on aggount ohf dot fly's bresence; und offer id to you? ,Nein;’ Fill da noddings obf der sort, so got a gait on yourselluf. Dere may be flies in Heinrich Schwartz's lager, but dere vos none on him, py chim!" 4% heey NO SANTA CLAUS NO GOD, MB: AND MRS. BARLOW were good, pious people, ant! trained the young Barlows in the way they should go. One winter evening Mrs. Barlow was preparing her four-year-old Lulu for bed, and as Christmas was not far off she concluded that she would destroy that popular but very wrong idea of Santa Claus which existed in the child's head; so she told her that thee was’no such person as Santa Claus, and he had no reindeer, nor sled, nor anything of the kind. ‘ “Why, mamma!” gasped little Lulu, “ who is Santy Claus, then?” NOT DECEP ore “ Papa and mamma, darling.” $0 vy Mrs. Goocan ( proudly)—** Ot niver hO¥ to cook anoy meals fer me chen: : 8: see ‘ hoosband since he’s on his new beat. - Shure, he takes his meals at the Indignation and: anger were written on the child’s'face; and witha sob she _ risidinces av Alderman Mooney, Superintindiat Flina, an’ payple loike turned her face to the wall. ais thot.” 3 “ * got, = s —** Vis; Oi B th Come, dear, and say your prayers” said iamma, var MES, RaonEY—" Vis: Oj ondersland tht all the cooks on the We, RCO, “No!” butst out Lulu. {| “Why, Lulu !" sorrowfully said ‘her mamina; “aren't you going to p> ask God to take care of you?” Noi There ain't any Santy Claus —just’ papa and mamma. How do I'know there’s any God? It’s just papa and mamma too.” INA QUANDARY. CANNOT tell to which she’s true, Fo I am sore misled; | Although her eyes are ‘&o0d Yale blue, i Her cheeks are Hatvard red. f A FRIEND IN NEED, * Crawford—“ What induced you to invite your college friend down for the holidays?” Grimshaw— He's an athlete, and'will ‘come in handy to’ accom- pany my wife when ishe’ does. her Christmas. shopping.”*, i ett THE VILLAIN's SOLILOQI THE WAVLOELIT, AIN'S SOLILOQUY. ; ME larvar ALGERNON FIT2MAURICE D'ARTAGNAN KELLY—" Hevins | to-night she refused ter kiss me at partie’. Witkin it 9°. RK ee ee 2 ae mean? Has she discovered dat me wealth is a myth? Has she found out dat me claims ter Mayflower descent are false? ares ee aig Has Secretary Algy informed her dat me expectations uv a lieutenant's commission in de regular army are ephemeral—or . But as for me, I'm always blue has she bin eatin’ onions?” ‘When I've not got a red. “Ladies and gentlemen, with this pillow, sock aah ¥ i wits yy ani iw couse 3 I will now give you a little imitation—— of Santa Claus. LIGHTNING CHANGES, comicbooks.com