Judge — November 26, 1898 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Copyright by Falk. JUDGE'S FAVORITES. ELSIE LESLIE, Leslie! as an infant’ wonder, it ith's Burglar "—'twas but yesterday— Weecalled you“ ‘cute " “The Gerry limit, just a child at play. ‘A wonder still, your hold on us grows stronger, Our petted child, although a child no longer. CYNICISMS. MAN often swears a woman is his first love when he only means that + she is his last. If a woman has a dollar every man thinks he is entitled to a share of it, and a lawyer will take it all. We become conscious of our hearts at the same time we do of our teeth—when they begin to ache. We talk wisely of the inconstancy of men, and are woefully disappointed if one of them proves us right. MARGARET WENTWORTH. OUR NATIONAL BIRDS. THE eagle may lead us in battle, And soar where the victory starts 7 Bat, unto his sorrow, the turkey Gets very much closer our hearts. DEPRECATORY. Pat —“ Shure, it's mesilf thot stroikes wid me pick as regular as a clock.” The boss—" Yes; a clock stroikes generally wanst an hour,” ad charming, although und Ricarpo the potato at us. ‘VicENz10 (dismally)—"* That's no satisfaction, Potatoes are worth four dollars a bushel.” THE BICYCLE HEART. E WAS a devoted friend, an affectionate and attentive brother, and his sister’s children found in him a per- petual Santa Claus, The neighbors were rapt in admira- tion at such blithe unselfishness, but predicted that it was too good to last. One day the shock came. The tempter fell in his way and he bought a bicycle. It was innocent-looking enough. He held it up at arm's length to show its light weight and, giving the wheel a turn, counted its gliding revolutions to prove its perfect equilibrium. “Do you see that peg in the wheel?” he asked with suppressed triumph. “ Well, you turn it around to any point and stop the wheel and it won't move a hair’s breadth. Wheels without that cost fifty dollars less.” Fifty dollars for a single peg! He said good-bye to the children without their usual romp, and comforted Flossie’s tears with the assurance that he would get her a tricycle in the spring. But alas! That bicycle ate more than a horse and was more cumbersome than a wife. Her toilet was his perpet- ual care, The weather was of more than usual concern tohim. She had sulky fits when she would scarcely con- sent to be ridden at all, and there was always a screw loose somewhere. In a few weeks he had broken one of the wheels in trying to ride up Atlantic avenue in the early morning crush, and paid altogether fully twenty-five dol- NO HUMANE MOTIVE. “Look! Yon grocer is chastising the boy who hurled The election returns. THE TICKER. AoTanawes, A WOMAN'S VIEW. Love is a rosy book ‘Whose beauties upon us burst To make us regret that by hook or crook We can't read the last page first. lars in repairs. Clearly, the roads did not agree with her ladysbip, and he complained that his employer had threatened to dismiss him-if he were late again. The climate of Suburbtown was found to be too damp for her con- stitution and he finally paid for having her stabled near his place of work in town. Now, his first object in baying a bicycle had been to save the price of fares between his sister's residence and his workshop ; and as this was defeated the only thing to du was to take up his residence near his bicycle in the city. This he did. A friend of his met him in the Fens the other day. He was on his wheel and wore a dark-blue club suit trimmed with gold braid. “Land o’ Goshen !" was the ex- clamation. ‘ What has the man been doing to himself? Is he married, or in a decline ?” “Neither,” I replied. “ But he has a ‘bicycle heart.’ xarunive crosyean, Christian-endeavor convention. comicbooks.com