Judge, 1898-10-29 · page 5 of 16
Judge — October 29, 1898 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains three satirical pieces: **"The Luck of Three"** (top): A sentimental poem about a husking-bee (corn-husking social event) where three young men compete for prizes. Jack wins the corn-husking contest, Hal wins the apple-finding contest, but the unnamed narrator wins the "real" prize—kissing the girl he loves in private. The satire mocks romantic sentimentality by suggesting true luck isn't in winning public contests but in genuine private affection. **"His Knees All Right"** (middle): A joke about the Spanish-American War (specifically the Battle of Santiago, 1898). An officer questions an Irish soldier's courage, but the soldier humorously clarifies he's running as fast as everyone else—a gentle ethnic joke playing on Irish dialect and battlefield panic. **"Our Matchless Matches"** (bottom): A consumer satire about defective matches—one brand won't light when you want it to, another won't extinguish. The humor targets poor product quality and consumer frustration with unreliable goods.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
THE LUCK OF THREE. WAS in the old-year days, when halloween A place among the festivals held still, That Jack and Hal and I, with hearts yet green, Went to a husking-bee at Middleville. And later, when the nuts were passed around, The cider and the other homely cheer, Ik was declared that whosoever found The reddest apple in a barrel near Might kiss that maiden thrice whom he loved best And crown her queen of all the festival, Hal's pippin was adjudged the raddiest— Ah, luckier Hal! Each sprucer than a lord in store-made gear Resolved to bring some splendid trophy back; And Jack indeed secured the reddest ear— Ab, lucky Jack! Bat far from where the glinting lanterns hung, When Jack and Hal had won their victories And tired of them, a lover found a tongue Lost temporarily, and ‘neath the trees Received from lips half-dumb with happy smiles The right to kiss till breath should fail and:fy The reddest cheeks within a thousand miles— Ab, lacklest // EDWARD W, BARNARD, HIS KNEES ALL RIGHT. $s VHAT'S the matter—are you weak-kneed ?” indignantly shouted an officer to a bolting Irishman during the battle of Santiago, “No, sor; Oi replied the soldier.‘ Oi'm runnin’ 's fasht ’s inny av thim.” * OUR MATCHLESS MATCHES. Same brand of match on the street when you wish to ignite a cigar. With the most painstak: ing and shrewd Irish care every one you ignite insists upon flickering out immediately. This is the match that you wanted to extinguish and. spparently blew out in ¥ your. parlor, but which stayed lit until you had burned your hand:to cat ly extinguish it... comicbooks.com