Judge — October 15, 1898 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

THE HOME-CORRECTION CLUB. |DWARD, dear,” cooed Mrs, Barkham the other evening after dinner, “1 am very much afraid that we often make egregious errors in our speech—unconsciously, of course. To be sure, we know better than to split our infinitive or to use.verbs of plural number when the noun is in the singular—that is, we know well enough if we stop to think; but so often we do not stop to think, and careless speech is apt to become a habit with us. Don’t you think so, dear?” “It is quite likely, Madge, love,” replied Mr. Barkham as he took his little wife on his lap and kissed her. “Then don’t you think it would be a good idea for us—just you and I— to form a home-correction club and to correct each other when we make such slips in grammar?” “It’s a good idea, sweet. Shall we begin now?” “Yes, if you are sure you won't get cross when I correct you.” “Oh, I won't get cross. Will you?” “Indeed I won't. I shall only be too glad to have errors pointed out. Now to begin with, Edward, dear, at the dinner-table to-night you said, ‘ Pass‘me them biscuits.’ “Oh, surely not!” . “ Yes, you did.” And Mrs. Barkham shook her forefinger playfully at her husband. “Well, if I did I did; but of course I know better.” “Certainly. The thing is to bear one’s knowledge in mind. Then I asked you where the.evening paper was, and you replied, ‘It lays on the centre-table.’”” “Well, what's the matter with that?” * “Why, you dear goose! nothing lays but hens. You know that.” “Tsee. I should have said that the paper lies on the table.” “Certainly. And now, Edward, dear, won't you tell me of some of my mistakes?” “Well, let me see, I heard’ you say to Mrs. Trot- ter yesterday, ‘I expect you had a good time in Europe.’ Of course you know that the word expect carries with it the idea of futurity and should never be used in a reference to past events.” Y-e-e-s.” “Then I heard you say, ‘I don’t like those kind of things.” “Oh, Edward! I didn’t. say that.” “I beg your pardon, but you did.” “Why, I couldn't.” “But you did. “I don't believe a word of it, and I think you are a real mean thing. So there!” Mrs. Barkham burst into tears and rushed from. . the room, and that was the end of the home-correction club. A SLIGHT MISTAKE. . WILLIAM MRNRY SIVITER, ‘sRiully gee! an’ Swipes took him fer an easy mark.” THE EXCEPTION, *Squirt CoRNLoTz—"* So all your sons have married and settled down in life?” FARMER HORNBEAK (sad/y)—"*All but Silas. He has married and settled down in Philadelphia.” comicbooks.com