Judge, 1898-10-08 · page 5 of 16
Judge — October 8, 1898 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page from *Judge* contains four satirical pieces mocking social hypocrisy and pretension: **"Such Is Fame"**: Ridicules nouveau-riche social climbers who mistake affectation for sophistication—a country couple at the opera mistakes a foreign nobleman's visible medical device for fashionable eccentricity. **"Reform"**: Exposes shallow activism. A woman convinced to stop wearing feathered hats (animal cruelty) immediately agrees to wear *only* the plumage—missing the point entirely. **"Their Idea"**: An elderly Sunday school teacher boasts of his longevity before offering life wisdom, but the children cynically reply "Because the good die young"—suggesting elderly moralizers aren't actually virtuous. **"Cheerful Reading"**: Uses Yiddish-dialect humor (common in *Judge*). A sick boy asks his mother to read him "cheerful" content—specifically the business bankruptcy column—implying financial ruin is less depressing than serious news. The satire targets moral inconsistency, class pretension, and the gap between stated values and actual behavior.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
SUCH IS FAME. . “MY GOODNESS, Josiah! just look at that man. It's easy to tell Ae’s a bachelcr,” said Mrs. Farmer Whiffietrée to her husband as they sat in the gallery of the Metropolitan opera-house and watched the haut ton in the boxes below. “ What man?” answered her husband carelessly. “Why, ¢kat man!” she cried, di- recting his attention to Count Leopold von Sourkraut-Horshradisch, who was on exhibifion in the Astorbilt box. “He's got one o' them electro-magnetic liver-cures, same as you got stuck on last fall, and he’s forgot and put it = 00 outside of his shirt. He orter we" have a wife to look after him— - that's what /e orter have.” REFORM. Society for the prevention of cruelly to animals—" How can you wear those birds on your hat, Miss Hansen? Just stop a moment and think of those lives sacrificed to your vanity, and the cruel manner of their death.” Miss Hansen thinks for four minutes and bursts into tears, “I never thought of this before. I was guilty, but from thoughtlessness. How can I ever thank you for enlightening me? I see now how wronz it all is, and I vow I'll never wear birds again. i'll wear only their plumage.” THEIR IDEA. +6. R—H'M !—my dear children,” rather pompously began old Judge Tub- man, standing before the Sunday-school which he had been asked to edify, “I have been requested to say a few words to you, and I am comply- ing, with the hope that a brief statement of the life of one who has trodden many weary miles along the highway of existence may be of profit to you who are just entering that highway. I was seventy-four years old last March, four years beyond the three score and ten allotted to man for his years upon earth. Daring all those years I have—but before I tell you the few and sim- ple but potent rules of life which I have always followed how many of you can A SUPERHUMAN ACT. “*Dere are mennv heroes in our war but show me one of ‘em that ud turn his back an’ not ! rubber-neck’ at a lot uv Sunday-school teachers w'ot wuz bathin’ in his immediate vicinity.” guess why it is that I have been permitted to live so long in this beau- tiful world?” And the dear little innocents replied in one voice, “ Because the good die young.” CHEERFUL READING. Mrs. Isaacste1n—"' Vell, Shakey, I haff read you effery choke in der comic supplement. Vot do you vant me to read nexd ?” HEx SICK SoN—"* Now read me somet'ing cheerful, mudder. Shust turn to der column obf * business embarrassments’ unt read dot.” comicbooks.com