Judge — October 8, 1898 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

SLEEP CERTIFICATES. SSDEY say de Dutch are great people fer sleep- ing.” said one hobo to another as they watched a newly ar- *) rived Dutchman who was sauntering about Battery If ec “And no wonder,” said hobo number two as he af pointed to the large wooden | sabots upon the immigrant’s feet; “a feller could go ter sleep on a park-bench wit’ dem t'ings on and defy any cop in New York to wake him up by fanning his soles wit’ his club.” IN THE BOOK DEPARTMENT. THE department stores in the great cities are none of them complete without a book department run upon the most approved bargain-counter plan, A gentleman the other day, not finding a new book that he wanted in the library to which he usually went, called at a near-by department store, whose book branch is freely advertised in the daily pa- pers in big letters. To the condescending clerk he said, “ Have you Boris Sidis’s ‘ Psychology of Suggestion ’?” - * Ob, yes; we have ‘Quo Vadis‘ in sev- eral editions.” But I don’t want ‘Quo Vadis,’ I want Boris Sidis’s ‘ Psychology of Suggestion.’ ” . “Oh, I'see. Here,” beckoning to another clerk, “will you get this man what he wants?” To the new clerk the gentleman said, Have you Boris Sidis's * Psychology of Suggestion?” “You bet we have, we have lots of them; ‘Quo Vadis’ is the best seller on the market.” “ But I don't want ‘Quo Vadis,’ 1 want Boris Sidis’s ‘ Psychology of Suggestion.’ ” : “ Well, we ain't got that, but ‘ Quo Vadis’ is a more interesting book. You better take a copy of it; it's a daisy.” eas HE DIDN'T SELL IT. * Here, miss, is a hammock that will hold two very comfortably.” ‘It's too large ; haven't you something a little smaller?” “MR. MCGARVEY ON APOLOGIES. HIN Dugan dropped the stone on me foot he apologized beautiful loike, but me smashed toe niver shtopped hurtin’ whoile he wor doin’ av it, and Oi thought no more av him for it. ‘There's plinty av fellies thot be firofuse wid their apologies, and thim's the fellies Oi'm steerin’ clear av, for yez can bit they be always doin’ some- thin’ indangerin’ the loife and limb and happiness av the earth, Many 's the heart thot's been broken, not to spake av the ligs, by the carelissness av thim gintlemanly riptiles thot thinks a foine bit av apology will smooth the whole thing over. “Be off wid yez,” says Oi to Dugan, standin’ on one lig and howlin’ insoide wid pain; “ Oi'm not wantin’ apologies, ye. blunderin’ omathan, Oi’m wantin’ a hospital to stick me foot inty; and Oi'm tillin’ yez.” says Oi to him, “ thot whin Oi'm workin’ in the same ditch wid yez after this i'm wantin’ yez to kape a thousand miles from me.” Give me the felly thot kapes his mouth shut ‘whin he’s apologizin’, and thot ‘ll THE HARVESTER AND THE AFRICAN LION. 1, Ucciimvcctio (the farmer, returning to his kraal) —"* I'm mighty glad to got troo wit’ dis hard day's work. — take a good swift kick wid- out murmurin’ for his care- 2, —By the shades of my forefathers! I'm done for. €SSM€SS- avin w. raLmancs. BASE INGRATITUDE. *6] GAVE that poor man some money and told him not to say a word. I'm Sorry I did so now.” * Why, dear ?” “The ungrateful wretch didn’t.” THE most beautiful quali- ties of some men are never revealed. This is more true of some men, however, 8, —But a man with ideas is never lost with an oppor- than of others. tunity, I'm givin’ him fits with this make-up.— 4. ——Ha, ha, ha!" comicbooks.com i r t ) f