Judge — October 1, 1898 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A WALKING-MACHINE, ‘TO’ WHAT do you attribute your great ability as a pedestrian?” was asked of the man who had walked around the world and back in one year and ten days on a wager of fifty thousand dollars, as advertised, and who was now resting himself in a dime-mu- seum at a salary of eight dollars per week, as not advertised. “To always riding a fif- 7 teen-dollar installment bi- cycle,” answered the man of truth calmly. “Ab! and how is that?” “Why, my machine al- ways used to break down when I'd get about a thou- sand miles out in the count of a Sunday and I'd have to walk home with it.” A BLUFF THAT FAILED. T WAS an inspection trip over a railroad beyond the Mississippi, and a large number of the high-salaried men were aboard, And among them was one, whose name we will call Jim, who did not get the salary he expected later on, and who in the meanwhile had a family to sup- port. When a game of poker was announced he did not want to play; but the others insisted, and he went in for blood. For a time he lived several years in an hour, but after a while the sun began to shine through the clouds and things came his way. The play was pretty stiff and was getting stiffer, and Jim trembled in the fear that the tide might turn again and leave him helplessly bankrupt. ‘There was only one thing to do, and that was to quit. But how? He could not stand the usual charge of * cold feet.” Something better than that was want- ed, The plan dawned upon him and, excusing himself a moment, he got a telegraph blank and hurriedly wrote: “Confidential. Jones, Blank junction, Wire me on special at Dashtown that it is absolutely necessary for me to stop off yoiir sta- tion, Jim R.” COULDN'T UNDERSTAND HER. Jack—"' I don’t see why you call her a queer girl just because she told you to see her papa when you proposed.” Then he went back to the game and nursed his pile with consum- A ‘a-a3+ but perhaps you don’t know that her papa has been dead foh mate prudence. Finally the train reached Dashtown, and Jim was : nervous in spite of himself; but finally he saw the boy bringing in the message, and when he came to his side Jim was so immersed in the game that he pretended not to see him. At last, with magnificent dis- dain, he said, “ Oh, don’t bother me. Read it to me.” office. What shall we do?” And the boy broke the seal and read: “ Your wire to Jones, Blank station, asking him to wire you that abso- lutely necessary for you to stop at Blank junction received, but Jones not in And Jim has never played poker since, and he is on another road. A PUMPKIN CAMEO. By Little Tommy. [PON the tawny pumpkin T cut a grinning face, And inside pat a candle That shows each queer gri- mace, It looks grotesquely happy, And in a little while It seems to gayly ripple Into a great big smile, Which illustrates my feelings When ‘neath the autumn sky I whirl myself serenely Around the pumpkin-pie. RX, MUNKITTRICK, AMPLE EXPERIENCE. Officer —" You wish to enlist in the navy?” Applicant— Yes.” Officer —" Have you had any experience --have you ever been to sea?” Applicant —“ No, sir; A PREHISTORIC PREDICAMENT. but for the last two years I * What's the Ornitherincus Paradoxus so angry about” have made ten trips each day Great AUK—"* He can’t remember how to spell his name.” on the Broadway cable-cars.’ comicbooks.com