Judge — September 17, 1898 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

uae HIS OPINION, ‘ UR-R-R-R-RUM!” sarcastically began the Kohack philosopher, looking up from the letter he had been perusing. “I don’t, as a rule, pay much attention to feminine fads, for the reason that I've got something else‘to do. The man who regards ‘em seriously ain't got much time for anything else, and I ‘most gener- ally have a cat of my own to hold under water, as the sayin’ goes, “Fads are as much a part of the female nature as shiftlessness is of a fid- dler's, an’ in most cases we have to take “em along with the woman an’ try to look pleasant. If a man doesn’t oppose a woman in havin’ her own way she won't think she has any way to have. The fatter a woman gits to be the more she loves to have some man call her ‘little girl.” . An intelligent young woman will intrust her heart to the keepin’ of a man that a coarse, ignorant butcher wouldn't trust for a‘pound of liver. It is possible.to git a hog back into a pen via the hole through which he made his escape by makin’ certain allowances for his methods of reasonin’ an’ proceedin’ in this wise: Git the animal's nose aimed at the hole, grasp him firmly by the narrative and pull back as hard as you can. The intellectual critter will think you are conspirin’ to keep him out of his rights, an’ he will dash in as if shot from a howitzer. The feminine mind likewise goes by contraries—you know she will because you think she won't, What is bestfor her she will not have, an’ for that which is not good for her shé mightily yearns. “She—but shucks! The peculiarities of the feminine nature are as numerous as the mites in cheese, an’ the task of tryin’ to enumerate ‘em is jest as profitless. What started me off in this direction is that my niece, who was AFTER THE QUARREL. .—"* Bat I want to share all your joys with yo then let me off on that cape and bonnet.” Mrs. Pourer—* But I' want to share your sorrows too. christened with the géod old name:of Ann Eliza, an’ wore the same with becomin’ modesty till'she entered the academy over at South Radway, takes the liberty ‘of signin’ herself ‘Analyza’ to this letter which I have just got from’her; which leads me to'say that, although she is quite a hity-tity young lady in her own estima- tion, she hasn't passed ‘the stage of the game when a conscientious spankin’, bestowed by a good old mother in Israel,.would do her a great deal of good. Hur-r-r-r- rum!” ‘TOM 7. MORGAN. beget ePRACTICALSILLUSTRA TION: is HERE are a few things a woman ‘doesn't know Lan’ saik, whad luck! Ef dey ain't fowls roostin’ on de watahmillyuns'! . N—"*Hit on'y ‘lustrates whad Ab said in mah suhmon dis mawnin'— dat de Lawd show- about herself—those:are'the very things her dear- ahs:down blessin’s on de rightshus.” eats est friend” takes pleasure in telling her. A DISASTROUS “ATTACHMENT.” Miss Wheeler was having a grand spin with Fido attached to the bike-frame— —uontil a rabbit crossed the path.