Judge — June 11, 1898 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

Vuage JUDGE'S FABLES. THE HONEST MILKMAN, Vas) MILK-VENDER once, on his regular early-morning [N J jaunt to the city to sell his lacteal fluid, fell into a sad eflection. “ Everything is against me,” he muttered. “Two months in the milk-business and a four-thou- sand-dollar mortgage still only half lifted. Had not my well dried up a month back all would have been well with my milk, or at least the greater part of the milk would have been well. If I have to sell straight milk much longer I can, from a financial standpoint, discern my finish.” At that moment his horse, a spir- ited animal, took fright at a poster-sign along the road- side, and taking the bit in his teeth (be was a young horse and had teeth) he darted furiously over the rutty road, pell-mell, lickety-split, for a distance of several miles, nor stopped until utterly exhausted. The own- er, who had luckily held on, groaned in anguish. “ My milk is ruined!” he cried. But, to his great delight, upon lifting a can-cover he saw a huge roll of freshly- churned butter floating calmly in a little pool of deli- cious buttermilk. “ Eureka!” he cried; and directing the now pacifico steed into town he sold the product of his ground-and-lofty jaunt at double the Aas rate that he had received for his milk when the well was working. That same day he swapped his : Dat perce-hion sets me thinkin’ horse for one warranted to run away at command, and in one week had made enough out of run- ‘Hoy: licecter! Vong ’ago! away churning-trips to lift the remainder of his mortgage; and alter one month's time retired from Knock de cover off de base-ball business on his wealth. ‘W'en 1 wuz de hull blamed show. Moral—Honesty is the best policy. w. R. CooK. Now me mem'ry is fergotten, An’ it gris it MILLIONS IN IT. T might sil be stele’ bases Cobwigger— So you think of opening a number of little pawn-shops at the. summer resorts? It Uhada’e stole dat chink. Will the thing pay 5 Goldstein —"Bay, mine frent? Vby, it vill bay like a shentleman vhen der sheriff cums down on him, Shoost-dink uf all der tiamond engagement- rings dey vill hock mit me.” HIS CHOICE? DURING a regents’ examina- tion lately the boys of a cer- tain high school were asked to send in the name of the poem they considered the best in the language. Accordingly one boy wrote down as his choice, “I like that beautiful poem, ‘Tramp! A LITERAL CO-INCIDENT, tramp! on thy cold gray cliffs, x a Mai We ‘ 3 unre es Be suore ri eee the Maine, ch? Well, __that I won't forget this maim ina hurry.” ( Tableau.) THE ADVANTAGE OF COWARDICE. AN OLD darky in San Antonio, Texas, went last week to her mistress, asking to have the war situation fully explained to her. When it was done she was nearly scared to death and exclaimed, ~ “Oh, Lord! Miss Mary, why don’ we back down?” “Why, aunty, you would not have usdo that? Why. then they would call us cow- ards.” “ Don’ car’ what dey says, Miss Mary. Cowards tote whole bones.” A MANIFEST: NECES- SITY. SSYES, Miss Langithds i _very particular, “She says she’ enjofs, this “place very, much “béeause the irab- “ble is txcfudedi*'* >> “Ab, indeed ; ;but what will she do when she gets to heaven?” PUBLIC INTEREST IN KRANKTOWN. “Ob, no doubt the rab- A 2 KNOCKED OUT IN THE FIRST Tue crown (to writer)—"* Drop that war bizniss a minnit, pardner; here comes the fifth inning.” _ble wil have to go, ROUND, comicbooks.com