Judge — May 21, 1898 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

wudge JUDGE'S FABLES. THE ARMY-MULE. UNITED STATES army-mule, the victim of an equine draft, was slowly toiling with a huge jag of army-stores toward the town of Matanzas, Cuba. “‘Surely,”thought the mule as its huge burden press- ed painfully against its slats, am the unluckiest of beasts, draft- ed by an imperative order of con- gressional task-masters; selected on account of my slowness as most eligible to perform critical duty in accordance with popular gov- ernmental policy. Oh, where is more unenvied beast than 1? I feel that I have a kick coming“ But upon glancing about and dis- covering no one in muscular kick- ing distance the mule sighed and turned an envious eye upon a gay- ly-caparisoned cavalry-horse that was proudly curvetting about with its rider, resplendent in gold trappings. The mule was about to enter ypon another tirade of self-sympathetic murmurs when a booming solid shot Wa (ounete SONDHEIM’S PHILANTHROP' ** Dot coat is yours for ten dollars, mein friendt. Take him along.” “How is this, Sondheim? struck and killed the proud horse, followed by another hurtling missile that, striking his burden, instantly removed the load and care from his oppressed shoulders. Ab!” cried the now delighted mule as it dipped its muzzle into the profusion of grain scat- tered about, “what a con- summate ass I was to flaunt and accuse such a bountiful providence! 1 might have known that pride ‘only pre- cedes a fall.” Moral—The plodding path is the road to plenty. THE BLOW A Livre Witte" The old man is asleep. I'll just decorate his eyes with my new brush and paints.” LMOST KILLED MOTHER. Winuir's MoTHER ( five minutes lat —"* Heav- ens! My poor James dead? Oh, look at those star- ing eyes! My husband, my husband!" ately faints.) A BUSY MAN. ++] VE been busy all morn in’,” remarked Mean- dering Mike, as Wandering William came up. “You've been busy, have you?” was the incredulous reply. What doin’ ?” ” Restin’ HER CHOICE. PDOROTHY'S father had lately brought home three cows, one of which was black and white, and péculiar- ly marked, while the other two were red. To her mother’s inquiry as to'which her little girl liked best, Dorothy replied; 1—1 guess the one with the hit-or-miss skin, mamma.” THE SIZE OF IT. Woman —" How , much for children’s pictures ?” (/mmedi- T thought you didn’t do busi- ness on Saturday. Isn't this your Sunday * Mein friendt, to sell you a coat like dot for ten dol INCREASING THE SUPPLY. se] [GH! groaned Mr. Fussby during one of his sick spells, *1—I can't breathe.” “ Children,” said the agi- tated Mrs. F. to the two boys ‘who were gazing curiously at their suffering parent, ** stop breathing till papa gets bet- ter.” I, LOVE WILL FIND A WaY. Farmer SQUASHLEIGH—"* Thet new city beau of my dar- ter's is too darned affectionate ter suit me; so I reckon this new-fangled ‘tater-tate "I've bought ‘ll make him keep his dis- tance,” Photographer —T'w 0 dollars a dozen, madam.” Woman —* Why —er— yes; but I've only got nine.” Il, LOVE WILL FIND A WAY. Farmer SQUASHLEIGH (the same evening, later)—'* Wa-al, I'll be darned !" comicbooks.com