Judge — May 14, 1898 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK AT THE JUDGE BUILDING. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITED STATES AND CANADA I ADVANCE. One copy, one year, or 52 numbers x months, or 26 numbe One copy, for thirteen. week: Including the Cx Corner Fifth Avenue and Sixteenth Street, New York. (Circulation larger than any other cartoon weekly in the world. E97 NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS.—The contents of Juvce are protected by copyright in both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this copyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted. $1,000.00 wit! be given to the contestant in JUDGE’S prize- puzzle competitions who is the first to solve correctly every one of the puzzles in three successive contests. SENATOR ORCHARD says the peach crop is all right. Very well. How about his own? eae E HAVE no time to waste on the peace associations. Wait till this cruel war is over, gentle sirs. SPANISH PAPER speaks of us as yan- kee pigs. It is a curious mistake. What he means is toads. eee PAIN must fight to prevent revolution and save the government at home. She is between the devil and the deep sea. eee HE FACT that Bis- marck smokes ten or twelve pipes a day !s not evidence that the old man is in bad health; but it is going to be. eee THE SURPRISE cre- ated by the fact that an editor of a yellow jour- nal had gone crazy is not to be accounted for. We thought all those editors A WISE MAN. REMEMBER WEYLER! ITZHUGH LEE intimates, and there is considerable evidence pointing that way, that Weyler is responsible for the blowing up of the Maine. The fact that Weyler dénies it is further proof that he is thus guilty; and while it will be well to remember the’Maine it will likewise be well to remember Weyler. THE SPANISH GIRL. IX GIRLS, all in their teens,have been fighting bulls to howling audiences in the Spanish cities and in Mexico. The sphere of woman has become so large that it is crowding the male person of the period to the position of a mere spectator; but we still hope that he will be permit- ted to do some of the fighting in the existing emergency. * GIRLS AND NEWSPAPERS. ODE STATE has a law cutting down the price of marriage-licenses, and another a law regulating and lessening the amount of clergy- men’s fees. These reductions will keep on until one can get a wife for a dime or three for a quarter; and we have always held that, like good newspapers, they ought to cost more than is generally paid for them. PLATT AND MURPHY. THE VOICES of New York's senators in the national congress are silent during the great opportunity for oratory that comes only once a cent- ury. It would be gratifying if they might speak so that New York might be brought occasionally to the notice of the nation, Not that oratory is so very much better than good silent statesmanship, but it at least deserves the reputation of posses- sion of its own soul. SOME JINGO DIS- TRESS. THE JINGOES would have been better sat- isfied if the president had put into his message some italics and profanity. What they want of a pres- ident is the robust vigor of a Sam Jones or a Ben Tillman. They think the president should have said, in place of the re- mark “The war must stop,” “You Spaniards get out of Cuba or I'll throw you out with a pitch- fork.” But our William mustn't be discouraged. No man can suit every- body. Sranks, were crazy FLossiz. FLICKERS (of the Jollity Girls company)—" Did you ever run for office?” TOO MUCH Mr. Tuecoop—"* ¥. cee Flossie. FLICKERS—* What office?" HASTE. USCERTAINTY hunts Ma, Tuxcoop—" The post-office, when T found 1 had been carrying one of my wife's letters JOSEPH PULITZER business, A short Sound a week. war and the freedom of Cuba will settle things so that capital will know how to provide work and go to work itself. wee THs IS A LAND of liberty to curse the president, right or wrong. No good citizen will do it habitually or as a partisan, but the freedom to do it is great freedom. A CONGRESS of mothers in this town decided in favor of a moderate use of the slipper. We have noticed that the children of the neigh- bors can't get along at all without it. AXARCHIST MOST says he will take no part in the prevailing war. It is his habit to fortify himself under the bed in case of violent agi- tation; so that this announcement will take nobody by surprise. AGASTA says it would cast a stain on Spain's honor to sell Cuba. Dear sir, there are so many stains on the thing mentioned that an additional one couldn't be recognized with the aid of a microscope. eee WAR LENGTHENS LIFE and increases the number of the soldier's descendants. That seems curious, but thirty-three years after our civil war the pension-roll is longer than it was when hostilities ceased. This is the glory that is both immortal and remunerative, ‘enormous expectations. says he wants a war that can be practically ended in forty-eight hours. That is the kind of war we all want, if it happens to be impossible to-end it before it is begun. But it is well to omit too It takes time to get properly into a scrape as well.as time to get out of it. Mr. Seward thought of that quite frequently during the:four, or five years that it took to end a struggle that he said would be over in ninety days. WHAT! AN ARMISTICE? THE SMITHS, man and wife, discussed an armistice, and the man began-one. The wife, however, demurred with a loud voice and arms akimbo, as if she were a persistent rebel in Cuba; whereupon: the man said, in a state of extreme disgust, “Well, if that’s an armistice we had better for the sake of peace go to war again.” Some people think-it takes both sides to.create an armistice. What if Lincoln had proclaimed one and Jefferson Davis had said he wouldn't have it? POSTHUMOUS FAME. A PROSPECT OF WAR brings out genuine eloquence as well as poor poetry. It will suddenly occur to some one, years after the speakers are dead, that there was some most excellent oratory in our congress on the subject of the war with Spain. We recognize these things more easily after the cause and the effect of them have passed away. We are apt to ridicule them while the subjects treated are warm. “These orators are contemporaneous with ourselves, and that is bad for them, comicbooks.com