Judge — May 7, 1898 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

A FOOTNOTE TO SCIENCE. yume HE primeval man was sitting at the mouth of his cave, suffering from ennui, He had nothing to occupy his mind, and was cast- ing about for some- thing to help him pass the time. Unlike his remote descendants, who are said to live in New Jersey, but are chiefly found in the pages of the com- ic papers and in coun- try plays written by men who live in the borough of Brook- lyn, he was un- able to pass his time in whittling, for pot-metal knives were not yet invented. Presently he picked up a piece of old sandstone with which he had attempted to brain a neolithic neighbor on the pre- vious evening, and to his great surprise noticed that it had a dent in it, It was evidently soft- er than the neighbor's head, and with a grunt that bespoke arous- AT THE SHORE. ed interest he reached into his Mrs. New.ywep (disconsolately)—** Oh, dear! 1 do wish my husband would come down and spend a week or two with me; but he writes that he can’t possibly get away.” Mrs Wensometine—"* Hum! Just write and tell him to send down the tandem at once. Till warrant ¢ha¢ will fetch him.” exceedingly primitive pocket for a spare flint arrow-head. Ina few minutes he was chipping away at the soft sandstone and whistling the air of a troglodytic ditty that had been made popular by a com- pany of cave-stormers who had passed that way some moons before. Presently his faithful wife returned with an armful of passé shell-fish that had been cast up on the beach by the last storm. He threw away the piece of sandstone and stalked into his dripping dining-room. Three million five hundred and six thousand eight hundred and twelve years later that piece of chipped sandstone was picked up by a deep-browed savant. He placed it in the national museum and wrote a book about it, proving that it was a pagan idol—a fetich—and devoted three hundred and six- ty-two pages to speculating on the rites and cus- SUND DSU: toms that probably accompanied its worship, Beccar (through force of circumstances)—"* Here, take my dog You're more blind nor T am,” Such is modern learning. Pe ucantuue, HIS QUESTION. ++ PA." BEGAN little Clarence after a short season of silence, “a Chinaman “- “Yes, my son,” broke in Mr. Callipers hastil man does many things which seem to us to be very peculiar. For instance, he begins at the bottom of the column and reads upward, and at the back of a book and reads toward the front. He writes with a paint-brush, wears his shirt outside of his trousers, and mounts a horse from the right side instead of the left. His surname comes first and is followed by his given name, and—er—ah—he has many other traits just as odd.” “Yes, I know, pa; but what I was going to ask you was, isn’t it easier for a camel to get through the eye of a needle than for a Chinaman to get through his need for an idol?” IT ALWAYS HAPPENS. “TWAS HIS VERY FIRST CIGAR. CT HE first of May is moviog-day; tseyy vdoaniieg! i Of that I'm well aware, z Say ! doan’ yo" buy no cigahs at dat store. ats Sete I dun bought a ten-cent cigah dere yistidy an’ it Because my wife is moved to tears SLANG TERM. mos’ killed me ‘fo T got frough wid it.” And I am moved to swear. A Dutch loafer. comicbooks.com