Judge — January 15, 1898 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

suage THE NEW ROAD TO YOUTH. T HAS been lately affirmed by a scientific writer that the advance from youth to old age is simply owing to molecular physiological changes made in a certain direction. When we are enabled to re- verse the motion of these molecules we can make each birthday reduce our age one year; or, go backward and forward alternately, as we may prefer. Oh. where's the Morse or Edison, or any one to-day, Who Il tax his wits to stop our lives from speeding $0 away? If little things, molecular, are pushed on some down track, “Tis said our youth and comeliness will year by year come back. No more will hair-restorers from druggists’ shelves be called, We'll merely turn the molecules rounst and clothe the spot that's bald ; Our wrinkles will their exit take and life will all be May, Instead of middle-aged or old, with hair of various gray. Old maids will not be dreadful, nor old bachelors forlorn, For they will turn the crank toward youth nor care when they were born ; The lover will be privileged to make his courtship slow, And even wait Methuselah’s time for his" best girl” to grow. The one who has a pile of debis it troubles him to pay Can have the frowning pay-day pushed some centuries away ; OF course the world will crowded be when time gives such a truce, For every one’s life then will be quite like the Wandering Jew's, Bat. still, I like the notion much—since I've enough todo ‘Yo last me in my horoscope a century or two 5 And so. if our shrewd Edison can change the molecules’ track, I'm ready for his vehicle to take me swittly back — | Aaa) Back to the summer.swimming days, my boyhood's dear delight, a sumple | manent ‘cut ing to telve charge (oa | French or E and using | naming this Rochester, ROK. | in prose a humorist: from the p very enjoy Or when in winter down the hill I coasted out of sight ; ‘Or else to that green, callow time my first piece got in type, Or when for far-off Madeline my first love-pangs were ripe. By her is where the molecules’ coach should halt and set me down, PROFESSIONAL FRANKNESS, If ‘twere not for the reason that a cunning country clown, APPLICANT —"'AS you look at my hand. professor, what's Just as my love was boiling in its first ecstatic whirl, the first of my characteristics that you notice? Put in his claims so prompily that he carried off the girl ! peau otter ROPESEOR Lines —"" That you do not wash your hands INCONSISTENT. T SEEMS rather incon- sistent ‘That your wife's mind is somehow set That her birthday you must remember While her age you mast forget. AN ACCIDENT. +] DESS,” said Maud, watching a black- and-brown caterpillar in the path, “zat caterpillar dot burnt on before he dot done.” CONSIDERATE, Mr. Porcher— “What made you leave so abruptly when I was putting up the hammock this morning ? Miss Verander—"\ LATER. Skippit—" Come up town with me this even- ing and I'll introduce you toa new widow.” Jardown—"Da- kota? Skippit—" Better yet. Klondike.” Jane saw it was coming down for the third time, and I thought I would give you a chance to swear.” HIS PREFERENCE, TeiM'S — Coosclence WOULDN'l MIND A REPETITION, Barber (to customer) anes _Money dispensed by TEMPERANCE-LECTURER—"'Ah, my poor fellow, do you never wish that you could retrace your —" Bay rum, sir ant millionaires and other past?” Irishman ates persons with a past. Beccar—"* You bet I do, pard—many a jolly drunk I've had in them good old day: mixed ale.” Sone , am 1 (00000050000000000000- WHILE YET IN HIS EGG-HOOD Days. So I'm to be a fricassee ; Weary Wituie (in the Klondite)—" Say. pards, giv’ a starvin’ man a bite ter eat, will ‘And how { do regret : yer? Ain't hed nuthin’ fer ther last two weeks ” That | wasn't fashioned months ago MORE GOLD THAN FOOD. Minexs —"* Eat! Why, we ain't got nothing in here ourselves but gold nuggets.” Into an omelet. comicbooks.com