Judge — January 8, 1898 — page 4: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUDGE'S FAVORITES. ANNA HELD, "Ob, won't you come an’ play wiz me?” stranger, ‘That such request unheeded be, Vou cooed us, when There isn't any danger As we could not to Paris get, You brought it to us, ** Tse that you are endowed with a phenomenally grasping disposition.”* said the phrenologist as he softly cocked the gun he wore in his hip pocket. “* How wonderful !" cried the subject, glancing up at him in respect- ful awe.“ Why, sir, that last testi- mony exactly agrees with my pro- fession.” ** What is your profession 7” cried the now pleased professor. a gripman on the cable-road, us yer hand.” ignonette! had last year in getting a good one was engaging his from a fellow in the country he A DILEMMA. WHEN the Up- johns were at the breakfast- table this morning the waitress demanded payment for a Christmas-tree that had just been brought to the area door. “I know,” said Mr. Upjohn, diving into his pocket; “it’s a tree that my partner or- dered for me. He told me yesterday “Ltell yer w'ot, A DIVISION OF LABOR A CAPITAL IDEA, i tackle de dorg first, an’ when you've laid him that heremembered out go fer de feller, an’ after you've got him on de groun’ wid your foot what trouble we over his mout’ ter keep him from a-hollerin’, I'll sneak up an’ grab de 0 when he put in a bid for one for us She remarked shoulder, * Yourn come last night—it's down there “Oh, Jack,” Flossy inter- rupts, “isn’t thistoo much? I got one my- self —I didn’t dream you would. Mine has been in the store-room several days.” t00. kind that I couldn't bear to undeceive him, But I was sorry, because I had bought a beauty on my way down town not an hour before.” The maid was bearing off the money. over her He meant to be so INNOCENCE ITSELF. “ Now, then, we must come to an understanding. You must tell me really and Youne Lawyer: truly whether you are guilty or not. Prisoner (indignantly) —"* sent fo' sech a no-count lawyer as yo'?” A PALPABLE FRAUD. PARSON JoUNSON —"* I jess see youah hasban’ takin’ a little relaxation out in de front yard.” Mrs. JACKSON (suspiciously) —"* Wuz it in a black pint-bottle wif a broken neck an’ a pink label? relaxation he wuz takin’, if wuz gin—he's de mostest low-down, deceitfulest nigger dat way yo’ evah saw.” If it was it wasn’t flowers w'ot he's got an’ run home wid ‘em !* ‘ore God, boss—ef I'd bin really an’ truly guilty does yo" s'pose I'd Mr. Upjohn tore at his roll savagely. “It looks as though we would take our Christmas ‘out in bare trees this year. The idiocy of paying for three trees!" * Four, Four? “Yes I sent Johnny out to get some evergreens for decoration from a vender at the door the other day, and he didn’t understand and bought a great spreading tree and only a wee little bit of pine and laurel? {didn’t find it out till the man was out of sight.” This is interesting, | must say. The waitress returns with the news,“ There’s a man down there with a Christmas-tree.” Mr. Upjohn says, louder than is necessary, “1 thought you paid that fellow and sent him off. Tain't him, It’s another one. I told him yous had plenty, but he says it was ordered by a friend of yourn, He's an old man from Connecticut.” comicbooks.com