Judge, 1897-12-18 · page 53 of 53
Judge — December 18, 1897 — page 53: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains satirical humor typical of Judge magazine's style: **"Just the Proper Article"** depicts a boarding-house dinner scene where Mr. Lodgeleigh repeatedly asks Mrs. Skinner to pass a "can-opener," eventually revealing he wants to open a pie. The joke plays on miscommunication and social awkwardness—the absurdity of requesting a can-opener at a dinner table suggests either deliberate rudeness or confusion, mocking pretentious boarding-house etiquette. **"A Masterly Manoeuvre"** presents a monologue by young Thomas Tuffnut explaining his Christmas strategy: he'll deliberately injure himself (pneumonia, broken ribs, broken arms, frostbite) to receive more presents while bedridden than if merely "good." The satire mocks both children's manipulative logic and the era's culture of gift-giving excess. The remaining illustrated vignettes show barber and customer interactions, likely satirizing everyday social conventions of the period. The overall tone critiques American middle-class manners, materialism, and the dubious logic employed by children and adults alike.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
JUST THE PROPER ARTICLE. Mr, LopcrteicH (across the boarding-house table)—"* Will you kindly pass the can-opener, Mrs, Skinner?” M Mr. LopcEteicn (suavely) —"* You do, madam. A MASTERLY MA- NOEUVRE. S8\VHAT are you going W to do next week. Thomas?” said little Willie Gladhand to little Tommie ‘Tuffnut as they wended their way home from Sunday- school on the Sunday before Christmas, “Are you going to be awful good and attentive to your papa and mamma and Aunt Maria and Uncle Josh and * “Naw,” replied Master Tuffnut emphatically, “1 know a trick worth two of dat, and if yer'll promise not ter tell Pl let yer on. First I'm going skating, and break through de ice and see if I can’t ketch pneumonia on my SKINNER (sezerels)—"* Do 1 understand you rightly, Mr. Lodgeleigh—the can-opener 2” T wish to open this pie.” lungs ; dea if dat don’t work I'm going ter slide NOT A DUPLICATE. down hill into a brick team and see if I can’t get I kissed fair Kate one summer's night, run over and my ribs broke and my head dislo- sidewalk and see if | can’t break my arms and Barner—"* Your hair is curled, sir, How is that, about right ?” Not knowing of Louisa’s hate ; But when I turned to kiss Lou too cated ; if I miss on dat I'm going ter slip on de She cried, ** I'm not a dupe like Kate !* children pulling at their Chr “the happy dears little know that their par: jeg is in every one of them. legs; den if 1 can’t fall hard enough dat way I'm going lip off- up on de roof and s| I'm pretty sure Til suthin’ dat_w don’t, as a last resort I'm going skating and take off both me shoes and freeze both me feet.” “ But what on earth are you going to doll that for?" said Willie Gladhand trem- ulously. “Why, yer chump,” re- sponded Thomas Tuffout disdainfully, “because if a feller ’s only sick abed with suthin’ or other he'll get twice as many presents as he will pod.” fer jest simply bein’ FIGURATIVELY. Mr. Supherly, watching the as stock- IR x romeR—" Ves, that'll do very nicely,”