Judge — December 18, 1897 — page 53: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

JUST THE PROPER ARTICLE. Mr, LopcrteicH (across the boarding-house table)—"* Will you kindly pass the can-opener, Mrs, Skinner?” M Mr. LopcEteicn (suavely) —"* You do, madam. A MASTERLY MA- NOEUVRE. S8\VHAT are you going W to do next week. Thomas?” said little Willie Gladhand to little Tommie ‘Tuffnut as they wended their way home from Sunday- school on the Sunday before Christmas, “Are you going to be awful good and attentive to your papa and mamma and Aunt Maria and Uncle Josh and * “Naw,” replied Master Tuffnut emphatically, “1 know a trick worth two of dat, and if yer'll promise not ter tell Pl let yer on. First I'm going skating, and break through de ice and see if I can’t ketch pneumonia on my SKINNER (sezerels)—"* Do 1 understand you rightly, Mr. Lodgeleigh—the can-opener 2” T wish to open this pie.” lungs ; dea if dat don’t work I'm going ter slide NOT A DUPLICATE. down hill into a brick team and see if I can’t get I kissed fair Kate one summer's night, run over and my ribs broke and my head dislo- sidewalk and see if | can’t break my arms and Barner—"* Your hair is curled, sir, How is that, about right ?” Not knowing of Louisa’s hate ; But when I turned to kiss Lou too cated ; if I miss on dat I'm going ter slip on de She cried, ** I'm not a dupe like Kate !* children pulling at their Chr “the happy dears little know that their par: jeg is in every one of them. legs; den if 1 can’t fall hard enough dat way I'm going lip off- up on de roof and s| I'm pretty sure Til suthin’ dat_w don’t, as a last resort I'm going skating and take off both me shoes and freeze both me feet.” “ But what on earth are you going to doll that for?" said Willie Gladhand trem- ulously. “Why, yer chump,” re- sponded Thomas Tuffout disdainfully, “because if a feller ’s only sick abed with suthin’ or other he'll get twice as many presents as he will pod.” fer jest simply bein’ FIGURATIVELY. Mr. Supherly, watching the as stock- IR x romeR—" Ves, that'll do very nicely,”