Judge — December 4, 1897 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

364 AN UNEXPECTED TURN OF AFFAIRS. 1 Jones ( fercely desperate)—"* J-iel-t-e-d ! 1 will not live in torture, but make sure of end — A TALE OF MOORZOOK. SS YVHEN I was private secre- tary to the sultan of Moor- zook,” said my uncle Benjamin, knocking the ashes from his pipe, “it was my work to select his high- ness’s wives for him.” “ A pleasant duty,” said I. * Requiring superior judgment and finest taste,” replied my uncle. “Few men could fill such a posi- tion.” “Indeed, no,” said I obediently. “ And he was a hard man to suit in wives, was the sultan,” con- tinued my uncle. “The law was that he should marry each month. Sometimes he'd run to blondes, and just when you'd think you had him fixed for life he'd change to bru- nettes, and always when you had blondes on hand and spoken with.” “It must have been embarrass- said I. mad and want to know why. notion that he wanted a match for his one—a double team like, the same in HIS LIFE IN Casry—"* Run fer yure loife, Clancy CLaxey—" What fer? It was killing.” answered my uncle. But the worst time was when he took a uae * And no one answered the ad- vertisement,” said I timidly. * Didn't they!" said my uncle. “Half the unmarried women in Moorzook answered it, and the other half intended to, and all of them said they were the image of number two hundred and one. The ugliest ones talked the loudest. If I hadn't known how to handle them I would- n't be here. One at a time I took them aside and told them they were much too beautiful to match number two hundred and one.” “ And they liked that ?” said I. “Rather,” said my uncle. “ When I got through I had thirteen barrels of diamonds and the like which they had given me. But the sultan got mad because I didn’t find a match, and sentenced me to death.” “Oh, dear me!" said I. “ To be beheaded in two weeks,” a violent giijs) Said my INDISCKIMINATE, {i uncle, Bourrowx —"' Mornin’, judge. I think you had no right ul Bo Weta to fine that minister for scorching. apc. Jupcr —And why not, sir?” meant it, Bourrow! — ‘Because he was practicing what he nT np p Burl fe Preached. nt min \ it, I knew more than he did. I just kissed my hand to him and went to jail. On the morning of the day I was to die I wrote him a note saying I had found a match for number two hundred and one, and should straightway issue a proclamation for his marriage to her—and that, under the law, would compel him to marry her.” “ But you had not found her!” said I. * Of course not,” said my uncle. “As soon as he got my note he jumped off the throne and came running to the prison in his bare head and through the rain without an umbrella, and begged me, on his bended knees, not to issue the proc- lamation. You see I knew how long to wait. He was only a man after all, if he was a sultan. If number two hundred and one had been an angel from above he would have thought he had been cheated, and could not have been persuaded into taking a duplicate. All men are alike, my boy.” ut — by dashing myself to certain death.” “The ones on hand would get agers last one—number two hundred and ize, color and disposition.” REALIZATION, P2008 Peck dejectedly murmured, *Midst the wordy clatterand buzz, * T knew very well I was married, Yet knew not how married I was.” ut. fortunately for Jones's { suicidal intentions, Mrs. Spagetty came under the window at that moment — “ And you matched said I “You are very said my uncle pityingly. “No two women are alike; nature never repeats an experi- ment. However, | put number two hundred and one’s picture in the pa- pers and advertised for a match, Number two hundred and one was the most beautiful woman that ever lived.” MIS HANDs, —and thtee seconds later reduced Jones to the con- Oi hov it wid me.” ion of begging for the life he had tried to take. . i comicbooks.com