Judge — November 6, 1897 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUBLISHED ONCE A WEEK. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITED STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE. One copy, one year. or s2 numbers - $5.00 One copy, six months. or 26 numbers One copy. for thirteen weeks - = Tncliding the Curistuas Juoca. FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS —To alt Sorerrn countrits in the postal union, $0.00 ‘@ year. THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (Jupce BurLp1Nc), Corner Fifth Avenue aod Sixteenth St: New York. (Circulation larger than any other cartoon weekly in the world. F2 NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS.--The contents of Juocx are protected by copy- ght in both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this copyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted. MABK TWAIN doesn’t need any fund. He is going around boasting of his gout as if he were a millionaire, eee N EAL DOW wouldn't have lived to be ninety-three years old if he had drank prohibition whisky—we can tell his memory that. coe THEY SAY the Japanese call us a nation of dogs. The little wretches know how to fight, but their statistics are abominably incorrect. cee NOTHER EVIDENCE of prosperity is the fact that a St. Louis wo- man recently sold her hus- band to another woman for four thousand dollars. HE HUSBAND of Tennie C. Claflin, now Lady Cook, is worth thirty million dollars. We beg to say to the lady that if she will return all will be for- given. W00PForD TO sacas- TA—"Compliments of President McKinley, and will you kindly inform him specifi- cally when your people will get out of Cuba?” [718 LUCKY that Jobn R. McLean retired from politics just when he did, Had he re- mained in it five minutes longer it would have crushed him into a shapeless mass. omy to Cuba if she did not feel obliged to do so. Let the insurgents hold on and she will be obliged to take her soldiers out of the country. Picker G, astronomer, claims to have just discovered one hundred and forty-two new double stars. Lots of persons see stars in that way, but rarely so large a number. see ‘THEY TELL of the president of a co-ed. university who was surprised and shocked to find many of his girls and boys fraternizing by the light of the moon, ‘The good man evidently believes that water runs up hill, ET US HOPE that the woman who has contracted to clean many of the streets of Chicago will make her work as little like a house-clean- ing as possible, for some of the men of that town want to stay at home occasionally. VEN THE SNAIL will turn. We refer especially to the Philadelphia Ledger, which says New-Yorkers have become accustomed to sitting two or three hours in the Broadway cable-cars, waiting for the cable to start up again. T# READER will bear in mind that it was the National Democrati party that put up Palmer and Buckner; and when Judge Parker said he voted for the regular National Democratic nominees he probably re- ferred to those gentlemen. ZOOLOGICAL RATHER THAN HISTORICAL. Artist (to deacon, who has ordered a picture of Daniel in the lions’ den)—It literature, but people like to isn’t according to scripture, I am willing to admit; but if you have ever made a weep. The most popular novels SPAIN would not give auton- study, as I have, of a hungry lion you will find my picture remarkably true to nature.” OMINOUS. HEY SAY the German emperor thinks his future peril lies in the direc- tion of England; and do we not know that his imperial grandmother has frequently thought that a sound spanking would do him and Germany great good? THE LAW TO BLAME. F THERE is to be a cessation of lynching the law must see to it that justice is promptly done. The lawyers of this country have too many privileges for which the tax-payer must suffer as to his pocket and his peace. Murderers must be hanged and thieves must be put behind bars. The lawyer must be checked in his profession as a law-breaker. A CHURCH REVOLUTION? HE WOMEN of Lincoln, Nebraska, who propose to boycott their church because they are permitted no voice in it or its management are probably the pioneers in a great revolt. The only wonder is that the women of all the churches didn’t cry out against the Saint Paul matter of contempt for women long ago, And when that revolt comes will there be any churches left? FOOD AS A DESTRUCTIVE, BREAD, according to Thomas Power O'Connor, is the staff of death, It is evident that the plan of creation is all wrong. There is no kind of food that has not been condemned by some authority, But there is much in the truthful declaration that one man’s meat is another man’s poison, ‘The authorities seem to think that one man’s stomach is a guide for the stomachs of the whole world. FRANCO-GERMAN REVENGE. ARA BERNHARDT refus- ed several years ago to play in Berlin because she hated the Germans. Now she wants to play there, but the proper au- thority refuses her a license, re- marking with chilling politeness, “T will not be so impolite as to permit a lady to contradict her- self.” There is only one thing to do if war is to be prevented. ‘The president and the czar must kiss each other over again, and keep at it until they make the little kaiser ill. THE LUXURY OF GRIEF, ISS GUINEY protests against willful sadness in of the last three years have been sad enough to produce confirm- ed melancholy on the part of every person who has read them. The more successful plays of the period are built on human misfortune and agony, The more novel-read- ers and play-goers weep the happier they are; and if originally decent heroines are humiliated to the dust and beyond any hope of recovery, the enjoyment is intense. CHURCH SECESSION. A JURY in Pennsylvania gave a man damages in one hundred dollars for disfellowship from a local church and consequent “loss of his spiritual life." There is no man, guilty or innocent, who might not be damaged in that way; and if the decision is to hold there is grave danger of the breaking up of a good many churches. However, organization is not everything, and there is always the consolation of having a mugwump church—every man for himself and the gentleman down below for the hindmost. JUSTICE FOR THE JILTED. PEOPLE WILL SMILE at the Mr. Melchor of Maine who has just been awarded less than two thousand dollars for breach of promise at the hands of Mrs, Hadley, who jilted him and married another man; but it is a poor rule that doesn’t work both ways, and perhaps he ought to have been given the twenty-five thousand dollars he claimed. His affec- tions and his rights are as good as hers, and his sufferings are undoubt- edly worse than hers would have been had the situation been reversed, judging from the character of the average woman flirt, The time is ripe for serious consideration of the rights of men, from the street-car to the matter of matrimony. comicbooks.com