Judge, 1897-10-30 · page 5 of 16
Judge — October 30, 1897 — page 5: what you’re looking at
What you’re looking at
This page contains several brief satirical sketches typical of early-20th-century humor magazines: **"Marting Bones" poem**: A caricatured dialect piece mocking African American social pretension, depicting a Black church leader boasting about organizing an elaborate cake-walk (a popular Black social event). The exaggerated dialect and focus on conspicuous display reflect period racial stereotypes. **"A Great Combination"**: A dark joke about a Klondike miner who's also an undertaker—he profits either way: striking gold claims or burying failed prospectors. **"Bagley's Logic"**: A satirical take on moral relativism, arguing if good deeds are immortal, bad ones must be too—justifying indifference. **"Yet She Gets It"**: Commentary on actresses' pay correlating to leg-raising, a jab at both theatrical economics and perceived morality. **"Educational Feature"**: A juror gained anatomy/chemistry knowledge from a murder trial—darkly implying criminal expertise as education. These are character sketches and wordplay typical of Judge's satirical approach to contemporary society, class, and morality.
📄 Transcribed text from this page (OCR, searchable)
Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.
CROWDING A MOURNER, Mxs, Henpec —“And, John, after you've finished parin’ those onions I want you to get little Willie to sleep ONLY ONE OF ITS KIND. ++ OW I have something absolutely unique,” said the great inventor. “Is it a talking - ma- talking - machines have been made before. This is a listening-machine.” JONAHED. Suburbs—"1 guess we'd better give up keeping chick- ens, We don’t seem to have any luck.” Mrs. Suburbs—" How can you expect to have any luck, my dear? When you set a hen you invariably put thirteen eggs under her.” Sudge “THERE'LL BE A HOT TIME IN THE OLD TOWN.” [ 15 Mistah Radley Marting Bones. Doan’ address me, ‘cept in undahtones. W'en I tells you I is president uv De Abyssinian Baptist combregation Club an’ philamthropic ‘sociation Foh to ‘courage brudder-an’. W'en I s'prise youah honin’ comprehension ‘With de ‘nouncement uv ouah best intention Foh a cake-walk on de gran’ dimension, Patronized by tinted aristocracy Ob de watahmillion trust plutocracy Ob Weehawken, T's a-talkin’, Talkin’, chilluns, in no spooky tones, T is Mistah Radley Marting Bones. A GREAT COMBINATION, Nuw-comer (at KTondite)—"' They tell me you are the most successful miner here.” “Foxy FAtrpans (the Dateson undertaker)—* That's ‘cos I combine biz with pleasure,” New-comer—"*I don’t understand.” Foxy Fatrsanxs—"" It's easy. Ef I don't strike pay-dirt soon here this ‘ll be grave; ef Idoit’ll beaclaim, Now d'ye savvy?" AN EDUCATIONAL FEATURE, BAGLEY’S LOGIC, SSUVHY is Bagley such a WwW social highwayman?" “Why, he argues that if good deeds can never die bad deeds must; hence his uncon- cern,” YET SHE GETS IT. ABOUT your histrionic art, ‘Oh, actress of the day! The higher you can raise your foot ‘The higher goes your pay. WOULDN'T DO AT ALL, Figg —" But what possi- ble objection could the order have had to electing Colonel Jones as ancient patriarch ?” Fogg—" Oh, the majority of members thought the du- ties of the place demanded a younger man,” Miss WILLINGTON Woutpse—" Why, Mr. Jones! where did you get all your wonderful knowledge of anatomy and chemistry 7" Mk. Jones—"*I was a juryman on an expert murder trial, Miss Wouldbe.”” comicbooks.com