Judge — October 9, 1897 — page 10: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

POOR RELATIONS. at IKE thorns in your prosperity are your poor relations, They are al- ways cropping up at inopportune times, and they are forever basking in the reflected light of your great- ness and your social prominence. They come to your funerals and H presume to mingle their tears with yours; they even spend their money for flowers. They call you by your given name and they name their children after you. They have so many children. Poor relations have no conception of relative values, they have such extravagant tastes. They like beefsteak with butter-gravy on it, and they like extract in their pudding- sauce, and they like to go to the matinée, No wonder they are poor! They have an eye to your apparel, and they won- der how soon you will pass it over to them. They even like silk linings. They happen in at meal-time with their ful- some appetites, and when you have company too, and they never know enough to go home; and then they ask for the second plate of soup. Poor relations have such a good digestion. If they are not too poor to have aspira- tions they contrive to give their children a few lessons in music and elocution, thereby encouraging in them tastes away beyond their sphere. They are not so poor as they deserve to be. Then their children grow up and are good looking, and even happy, and they all pad- dle about on the sea of life in their leaky old craft of mis- fortune, bound for nowhere, so long as they can float; and they have a better time than anybody. Poor relations are a dead- ly nuisance. They saddle you with a kind of sense of obli- gation. They are a dark HusBanp — “1 know, whole suit.” BACKING HIS ASSERTION. Mxs, HomesteaD—"' Poor man! Ie looks very ill indeed.” Lovexum Leste (confidentially) — “* Consumption. loid: good but hot whisky. Noggsy.” HE WAS ON TO HER. Wire —"' Why, Reginald, these trousers have no pockets in them!" T expect to save enough by not having them to pay for the n’ nuthin’ does him any Why, he’s got de worst cough y’ ever see, Cough fer der loidy, spot in your sunlight. They hob-nob with your family skeleton. They expect you to remember them in your will, They glow and shine in the light of your greatness. It’s very embarrassing. MARYOT HOLT CANOON. EVOLUTION [8 TRYING to trace up the family-tree, In rash desire to find high pedi- gree, We sometimes find, though none would dare avouch, That monkeys on the higher branches crouch. UNLOOKED FOR. Talker—* You shouldn't feel so sore at Jones. He did just right in holding you and preventing a disgraceful fight. What if he had let you go?” Bluffer (caressing a black eye)—“ Darn it! that's what the fool did.” ill yez shtop Tov yez food ENTIRELY WE to dinner, Mrs. Hog: a-plinty, Mrs, Kelly?" Don't say a word, Mrs, Hogan—since we losht our hog we hov food to waste.” 00000000 0OOOOOOOOOOSOOOOOOOO I © eee oe a th ee oe baad comicbooks.com