Judge — August 28, 1897 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PROVING REFLECTIONS OF A SPINSTER. MAN whom a dog will trust is never wholly bad. ‘Woman has three weap- ons—flattery, food, and flir- tation, At twenty men love a woman; at thirty, woman; at forty, women, A woman who can keep her lover as a friend never believes in his love. People who consider love a dream usually grow to think of marriage as the cold break- fast. Anger is a better weapon than tears; a burr commands more respect than a sensitive plant. It isn’t what he doesn’t know that troubles a man, but what he knows he doesn’t know. It's a foolish wife who fears her husband's old flames. Let her look out for the new ones. siverur xxeD, A FINISHED POSEUR. D' Auber —“ Congratu- late-me, old chap! I've got a man at last who knows how to pose artisticall Smear —* Professional model?” D'Auber —" Well, 1 should say not. A real live golf-player, old fel.” Sage THE NEGATIVE, THOU couldst know how much I do nof love thee, How much I've tried and yet how much I can't, The earth, the sea, the boundless sky above thee, Of my vast inability were measure scant ; If I could tell—bat ‘tis beyond the telling ; Or write—that too, alas | is far my power abo If I might sing—but even the wildest yelling Could never say how much I do not love. Hence I'll desist. The best applied persistence Can't prove a thing that isn’t in existence. MADELINE §, BRIDGES. CALLED THE TURN. Private Moriarty (the raw recruit)—" Halt, will yez? Who goes there?” Captain Bighead (indignantly) Private Moriarty (unabashed): fool, an’ give th’ countersoign.” CONTRARY SIGN. **A\AISSGRUBBSis M to be married.” “How do you know?" “She says she IT STAYED WITH HIM, Mrs. Justwep—'* How did you like the cakes | made you for breakfast this morning 7" Mr, Justwep (with a groan)—"* Well, I used to think that a person couldn't eat his cake and have it too.”” HIS WEIGHT INCREASED. “It's very singular that you are afraid the when I ask you to pick the cherries, You have been up in the tree, eating them, all the morning.” Grervy noy—"'I know ; but Lam a great deal heavier now than I was then.” SHE HAD MONEY, +4 D)OES the nobleman seem to think a good deal of Miss Clara?” “Oh, yes, indeed. He calls her his ‘little Klon- dike.’ ” A FORMER NATIVE. Sones—" Whois this here Elder Hinkley that’s a-hold- in’ of the meetin’s ?” Brown—" Wa-al, he used ter be a native of Smith's corner ‘fore he wuz merried.” GARDENS AND LAWNS. First commuter—"\ am having the worst time you ever heard of with my lawn. The grass simply will not grow. By the way, how is your garden coming on?” Second commuter—" Our of sight. Grass a foot high all over it,” AN INCLEMENT STAFF. Farmer BENEDICK (a moment later, during the shower)—" Oh, I don't know. Youngsters hev thar uses, an’ I reckon they'll bring this batch o' hay four dollars a ton higher'n yewr'n, b’gosh !” Faxazn BACHELOR— ‘Th’ only thing ‘s wrong with yew, neighbor, is thet yew've too menny children iS yer way tew harvest a good hay-crop.”