Judge — August 28, 1897 — page 2: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

uage. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. UNITED STATES AMD CANADA IN ADVANCE. One copy, one year. or s2 numbers - $5.00 ne copy, six months. or 26 numbers - 2.50 One copy: for thirteen weeks == 1.35 ge Inelding the Cunistuas Juoce. ‘FOREIGN SUBSCRIPTIONS—To alt Foreign countries im the postal wuion, $6.00 d aye THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (Jupcr BuILDING). Corner Fifth Avenue and Sixteenth Street, New York. (Circulation larger tha vy other cartoon weekly in the world. (@7 NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS.—The contents of Jun are protected by copy- ‘ght in both the United States and Great Britain. Infringement of this copyright will be promptly and vigorously prosecuted. : JOAQUIN MILLER will get gold in Alaska if he has to sing it out of the ground. TALK ABOUT the summer man is misplaced. They say at the water- ing-places that there is positively no such person. cee ‘THE MOST energetic and earnest Speeches that Dr. Depew ever made will never be published. He is learning to ride a bicycle. A PRIMA-DONNA says she wouldn't get a divorce for a million dol- lars. Certainly not. That kind is not a bit better than one that costs a couple of hundred. eae IF MR. KIPLING correctly trans- lates the language of the loco- motive it says“ Yah, yah, yah." We favor Walt Whitman's translation, however. He said the word was yawp. ONES OF NEVADA and Lease of Kansas having declared against silver agitation, it is no wonder that Mr. Bryan is in Mex- ico with the apparent design of run- ning for president of that republic. THEY TELL of a spiritist who died, but who returns to his earthly home at times for the pur- pose of kissing a married woman. This indicates a scarcity of women over there which is shocking to con- template. . Danses. QUGHT IT to be the privilege of a crown prince to select a notorious woman for introduction-at a dinner instead of his own wife? If that is the case then insult is an honor according to the rank of the man who offers it. THE CANNON for a pitcher suggests many improvements in base-ball. We have no doubt the time will come when all the other parts of the game will be done by machinery, and the nines will sit in the boxes and swear at the umpire. shpate. 6*\WHENEVER you meet a foreigner,” says John L. Sullivan, “tell him this country can lick his country, for this keeps patriotism More than that, noble sir, It #s patriotism, and it will so remain until one’s foreigner basely knocks one out. alive.” ‘THE JUDGE begs to assist in the confirmation of Moses Promoter Handy as special commissioner to the Paris exposition of 1900. He is precisely the Moses to lead our business and our people to and through that great enterprise; and he speaks French like a native—American. SS MURDERS are a special feature of this paper,” says a sensational journal. “We expect to have more mysterious murders here- after than ever before. Bring us a button and see us find the suit of clothes to which it belonged and the gory corpse of the man who wore them.” THE RECORD-BREAKING MANIA. PoLiceMAN—" What's all this racket about?” shure, an’ it’s me sister has undertook t’ knock sivin min out in tin minnits, an’, be gobs! Oi tink she’s a-goin' t' do it an’ hov toime t’ She's an her lasht man now. FINE CHANCE FOR A DUEL. RINCE HENRI of Orleans spoke disparagingly of Italian officers in Abyssinia, and on being challenged by an Italian officer refused to fight with anybody of a lower rank than his own. Here, now, is an op- portunity for the prince of Naples to distinguish himself, and it may never occur again. There needn't be any bloodshed except by accident, and accidents of that kind never occur. A CHARMING WIDOW. MANY IS THE TIME that we have spoken approvingly of Victoria Woodhull Martin. She will perhaps remember it. We have said also that her late husband was a truly fortunate man. And it never oc- curred to us for a moment that in dying Mr. Martin would leave his widow three-quarters of a million dollars. But the sum ought to have been a million—quite a million, We say it firmly. A POPULAR AMUSEMENT. HE ALABAMA MOB which attacked a small-pox hospital with shot and shell were perhaps suffering from the lack of a black man to lynch, It was necessary to their contemplated picnic to have somebody to kill, and hence the unfortunate selection; but we don’t see why they didn’t follow the example of the mob of the previous day which hanged a man for no particular crime, but “on general principles.”” THE LADY OR THE MADAM. S+]JADAM™ is generally a good word, but it is frequently applied to very objectionable women. To address Mrs. Smith as madam is well enough, but to speak of “the madam "is not wholly inoffensive. The street-car conductors of Boston may easily be too polite to their patrons; and again the word lady is both “proper and complimentary, notwith- standing those queer people who are continually asking that ladies be called women, THAT SMITH. CHARLOTTE SMITH wants a law to compel men to marry. It is only a step from that kind of tyranny to the villainy of abduc- tion, the man being the person stolen and the woman the villain who pursues him. We hope to come upon no such evil period; but if somebody might hook this Char- lotte Smith and hide her against alt possibility of discovery—for above all others she is the busybody who wants to be noticed—the world would be the better for it. A WOMAN'S UNEASY HEAD. WHY SHOULD Mrs, Lease, as queen of some festivities at Topeka, wear a crown worth twenty What of the mortgaged farms of Kansas? What of the bloated bond-holders of the east, not one of whom wears a crown of that value? Is not this woman encouraging the wealth and display she affects to despise? Besides, there is no new fashion in crowns, ‘Things of that kind are made exactly as they were thousands of years ago, and the best of them make any woman look like a fright. thousand dollars ? A GOOD DEPARTURE, BOY of fourteen who killed himself did so because he had failed to “agitate among the working masses for their emancipation from wage-slavery by the overthrow of the capitalistic system and for the estab- lishment of the co-operative commonwealth advocated by the socialist- labor party.” There are circumstances, we feel convinced, that make suicide not so much a crime as a duty. That boy has saved himself and the world a great deal of trouble; and we can only hope that he will not go around making speeches to his fellow-angels. FUN? HE HORSE-PLAY known as rice-throwing is to be prohibited here- after at stations along the line of a Pennsylvania railroad. Persons who enjoy such amusement are not as a general thing worthy of consider- ation; but they can console themselves, if they choose, with the charivari, or with white-capping, or with shooting somebody whom they don’t like. Stay! they might lynch the newly-married couples and so escape some of their enforced lethargy. Or, again, why don’t they tear up some of the track of the offending railroad or plan for a few collisions between trains? comicbooks.com