Judge — July 17, 1897 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

CLEARING THE CAL- ENDAR. se THEY say that new congress- man from Kansas isn't ex- actly used to late hours and social ways, and that he keeps an eye on the clock when a fellow calls to spend an evening with that beautiful daughter of his,” remarked a clerk in the treasury department to one of his fellows the other day. “ Have you ever called at the house?” “Yes; I've been down there frequently. Do you know, I like her breezy, western style of conver- sation, and she has such a hearty welcome for a fellow one would go through fire to see her.” “ Have you ever had’ any words with the old man?” queried the treasury- clerk PAIR O' DICE LosT. h, yes. We frequently talk over men and measures evenings, when the house is not in session and he’s.at home.” “No, I mean do you ever get ‘called down’ for staying late?” Well, not lately,” returned the other with a reminiscent chuckle. “ The old man tried it once, and it was a success with me; but it wouldn't work with the girl. She fixed it all right.” “ How was that?” questioned the treasury-clerk. “Well, you see, one evening I went up to the congressman's house ~ by special invitation of the girl, and it happened we hadn't seen each other for over three weeks—we've been so busy here in the office, you know— and of course the girl and I had lots to talk about. ‘The hours on angel wings flew by,’ as Burns says, and just when we were deeply in- terested—well, you know a fellow gets to talking on a subject that’s pleasing to both, and has his hands full" — “ And his arms,” suggested the listener. “Yes, sometimes,” with a laugh, And—anyhow, the old man came to the top of the stairs and called out,‘ Gladys, what time is it?” ‘Ten minutes of twelve, papa.’ * Haven't MIKE ALL OVER, Mx. Durry—"' Mrs. Kelly, it pains me t’ infarm yez thot yure hoos- band has jist bin blowed oop boi a doinamoite-carthri We found his head in wan lot, an’ his body in another lot, an’ his ligs in another lot, an’ his arms an’ fate in another lot."” Mas. Ketiy (proudiy)—" Begorrah! thot’s Moike all over.” Thaven’t seen each other in three whole weeks, We have set the clock back three times already, and it may be necessary to do so again. We are doing all we can to expedite business, and if we have no inter- ruptions and no objections to delay us we shall adjourn before twelve by the clock.” 1 listened a moment, and heard the old man tip-toe softly back to his room. Since then he hasn't said a word, That girl is a jewel, and the house-rules staggered the old mai ROY FARRELL GREER, IT WORKS BOTH WAYS. Fellows—"* Smith, poor chap! you turned the clock back, daughter? It'is after twelve by my watch, and I think your company had better bid you good-night.’” “Say, but that was awful,” put in the treasury-clerk. “Yes, and I was all broken up; went to looking for my hat. But, if you'll believe me, that girl shot a coquettish glance at me and called out in a voice which could be heard at the head of the stairs, ‘ Now, papa, you know George and NOT REALLY LIVING THEN. * Bella says that she has seen but twen- ty summers. STELLA—"'She isn’t counting the years before she had a wheel. A PAYING INVESTMENT. Since bicycling became the prevailing craze the farmer has learned how to make a farm pay. keeps inventing things only to have some heartless capitalist make all the profits, I wonder if Brown the banker wouldn't be willing to help him?" Bellows —"1 am afraid not. Brown went broke to-day — got stuck on some fellow’s invention.” comicbooks.com