Judge — July 17, 1897 — page 5: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

TO A HYPOCRITE whe wrote an admirable book. IFTS good and true God gave to you, Their meaning you mistook : Instead of living them in life, You buried them in a book. Maney TYRRELL, A USEFUL STEREOTYPE, NE bright day in summer ‘Squire Fullup was sitting in front of his office, taking the air and something else that had two upright straws in it, when who should drive up but Colonel Rednose with a blushing damsel of some twenty summers, and winters in proportion, by his side. Now Colonel Rednose, though doughty enough in other respects—it being a fact that no lynching was A TECHNICAL MISINTERPRETATION, considered complete without him—was as bashful as a Parson Betcier—' It am mah painful duty toe announce de death boy in all things relating to the tender passion. He had ob one ob ouah misguided membahs ob dis chu'ch dat left yer toe jine de Cubian giants base ball 5 ay club. Suffishent am it ) STANAWwS. toe say dat de papah says dat he ‘died at fust," an’ let dis causuality be a solemn wa'nin’ toe yo" all.” AGE GENTLY Rea Teanel STEALING. Bah at the place where the ‘sELVIRA, will you § same was to be con- look for my fiki Summated, he experi- spectacles? I have lost ) enced much hesitation them.” . and dismay about the Jow many pairs Arar hs : method of making his have you, mother?” » rie 5 intention known, “Three pairs.” ~ or . Fine morning,” “Then I'illook for |= é G he said as he drew rein. the third pair, as you : os So," responded have two pairs on top R. : 2 “fh the ‘squire laconically. of your head.” = B : i a “Just thought I'd : : ee 3 4 drop around "— PARADOXICAL. ee : i “Always wel- Sudds—" The cir- A : f come,” was the genial response. Won't you cus-poster is a para- doxical work of art.” : = . mA get down?” Spatts—" Well?” Beir: 4 P g At this suggestion Sudis—" Iris de- : 3 - A the colonel descended cided in its views, and KC DELIGATE PROBOSALY and afterward assisted yet you'll find it on the ss e—"' I hate my name—it's so hard to write in the sand.” the’ prospective sharer fence. He—"* Do you think you could write mine more easily ?” sof his joys and sorrows todo the same. Going up to the ‘squire and assuming a highly confidential tone he whispered, “I'd like for you to do me a little favor.” “Colonel, you know what that bay gelding of yours did for me the last fair."" “T don't mean that,” answered the colonel in an agitated whispege"? don’t want to borrow a cent. The fact is"—— Here the colonel Pe? again paused and groped wildly for a word. Suddenly an in- spiration came to him at the sight of the mint- julep glass, Drawing himself up with the stately courtesy of a Kentuckian of the old school he said, you join us?” “Don't care if 1 do,” was the ready re- sponse. And thus it was that the colonel made known the fact that he wanted to be married. J. ® TavLoR, A SCORCHER. Visitor (fo Sing Sing)—** Poor fellow! You ~ hic say you were put here for only scorching ?” HEED bald = bidded, AN ENFORCED RETIREMENT. Fire-zuc—"* Yes, lady. S' hellup me cracious ! mon loikes t’ hov ats, Wuneter—'* What! your mother in bed? Not ill, T hope, Bobby 7° der goots vas hardtly tamaged. his hair cut. Bonny Bike—" Not ‘zackly. Her bloomers is jes’ bein’ cleaned.” comichooks sams