Judge — July 10, 1897 — page 7: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

AT THE BALL. Prag ME ACOULSTED, ILE’S one of fashion’s butterflies, ‘This maiden from the Ilub; For she’s been out to supper now, And so has come from grub, HIS OFFENSE. Drummer (in Arkansas) —"1 understand that there was a lively little exodus from this community one night last week ?” Landlord (Shagtown tavern)—" Yep. We took an’ tar-an'-feathered th’ schoolmaster an’ rid him out uv town on a rail fer talkin’ French at a church- festival.” Drummer—" Good gracious! What is there criminal in that?” Landlord—" Nuthin’, now that we understand it. Yer see he was a feller who had come yere from th’ north, an’ everybody was sawter watchin’ bi : anshow. An’ when he got t° talki KNOWING WHAT IS WHAT. that-a-way some thought it was swear- “Say, waiter, is the proprietor in?” in’ an’ others figgered that he was usin’ No, sir; he's just gone out for lunch.” a furrin language t' say suthin’ derog- gytory t’ th’ grand old state uv Arkansaw that he daresn’t say in plain English. ALAS! AAn'so we jest turned in an’ set him t'goin’. Cou'se if we'd knowed then whathe | GENTLEMAN who had grown wealthy was in the habit of was really up to I don't reckon we'd have been quite so fast about it; but mebby taking his children out of the-city for a drive and showing its jest as well, after all, them a one-story house, fer thar was a middlin’ pointing it out to them strong suspicion that he with pride as the place was a Republican in dis- =z KZ =] where they were born, A guise.” E > a Z cyclone demolished the 2 5 a / Z house, and upon the next FAIR WARNING. p x visit of the children, Took- ing upon the ruins, one of them exclaimed, “Oh, dear, dear! we were not born anywhere Miss Gushmore— “Poor, dear man! I want to select a tract that will help you to bear your un- happy lot. Let me see: why did you find it nec- essary to—er—to remove ye “i ore BAW oh GAVE HIM POINTS, your wife?” aes . , S¢MY WIFE and 1 No. 1141 —"1 fixed have been clean- her fer talkin’ too much ing house. Last night we wid her mouth an’ askin’ put down a carpet.” too many fool questions * Both of you? —dat's wot I dun it fer.” 3 I put it down.” What did your wife BEATING HIS do?” RECORD. “ She—er—she hand- Perkasie—'\ saw an HITS THEM EVERY TIME, ed me the tacks.” air-ship the other day.” Mr, JouNsin—"" Dar goes de coon dat hits de races ebery time. Dat man am coinin’ money.” Staggers —"\ Mr. How's dat?” u 5 Mr. “"Wren dat coon fust began toe play de races he'd lose de fust day an’ win de IVER call a loier a (hic) two of ‘em. nex’, an’ now he plays ebery udder day.” loier—moind thot. NOTHING STRANGE. The star country boarder, tired of tennis, tries And of course, in sowing the corn, man- his hand at planting corn, and incidentally gets dirt ages to drop a few kernels into the aforesaid ate eneet Se ehaees thoes onsaes is in the folds where his trousers are turned up. trousers folds, y corn sprouting in them. comicbooks.com