Judge — May 15, 1897 — page 9: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

WHEELS AND THE WOMAN. HE two bicycles stood side by side. The ‘97 model was a beauty. She was geared to fifty-nine and was a peach. The '96 wheel was a high- grade machine with an air of experience born of hill-climb- ing and encounters with dogs on lonely roads. The ‘97 model jingled her bell merrily and said, “I'm in for a good time. My mistress is a very pretty girl, who"— That's the worst kind,” broke in the ‘96 wheel. “I* never yet saw a pretty girl who knew a single thing about her wheel. I've had enough experience with pret- ty girls to wish I were a dia- mond frame.” The ‘96 wheel sighed heavily. “But what"—— began the ‘97 model. “Everything,” replied the '96 wheel conclusively. “Now the other day my fair owner took me out and deliberately rode me for twenty miles with one-tenth of her skirt on one side and nine-tenths on the other side, but she never knew the difference.” “Well, perhaps I can persuade my mistress to wear a divided skirt,” said the ‘97 model cheerfully; “and then, you see, I have an alligator tool - bag and". “Tool-bag, indeed!" cried the ‘96 wheel derisively. “Why, so have I, and there has never been anything in it but a powder-rag, a comb, some hair-pins, an extra veil, and some face-lotion. The question is not whether you have a tool A GENIUS. AN INGLORIOUS DEATH. DYING REMARKS OF THE OLD ROOsTER—"* To—think, after—thirteen—years—of—stratagem, I've—kept—this—neck— of—mine—from—the—block, only—to—have—it—run—over—and—broken—by—that !* bag, but whether you have curling-irons, a manicure set, and a vinaigrette.” "Good gracious!” gasped the ‘97 wheel. 1" Two young and very pretty women came toward the wheels. “Isn't my new model a beauty ?” said the one in the zouave jacket. “I learned so much about bicycles at the cycle-show. I was perfectly wild about those lovely new crank-hangers; weren't you?” “ Well, I think I preferred the chang able gears and the drop-forgings mysell, replied the girl in the new top-coat with acritical air. “Is that an electric lamp, dear? Good gracious! don’t you know you're in danger of getting an awful shock from it?” “How dreadful!” replied the other, mounting. “I'll have it taken off.” “1 told you so," whispered the '96 wheel to the ‘97 model as they rolled away. REPARTEE. Tue nat—" Say ! I'm behind all your hard knocks.” THe BALL—" Well, I don't care a rap. It's only a case of strike-out when you swing for me. Remember, a fly ball isn’t eas- ily caught if it és * twisted.’ Mer, A SAD TRUTH, HERE'S one respect in which all the world is ofa stage. No matter how well you may play your part in life you'll never be allowed an encore. STAN RWS A MATTER OF BELIEF, Auice—"* Why did she refuse him—because they were of different faiths?” Mr. Biker's wife made him help her wring the clothes wash-days; but. being an inventive man, he managed to make a pedal connection to the wringer-handle that made the previous arduity an enthusiastic pleasure. CLaRa—"" Yes. ALice—'*And he refused to change his religion ?* CLara—" Oh, no; his wheel.” comicbooks.com