Judge — May 15, 1897 — page 6: what you’re looking at

Machine-transcribed from the original scan — historical spelling and the odd misread are preserved.

PUBLISHED ONCB A WEEK. TERMS TO SUBSCRIBERS. ONTTRD STATES AND CANADA IN ADVANCE One copy, one year. or s2 numbers - $5.0 One copy, six months. or 26 numbers - 2.50 One copy. for thirteen weeks = Incliding the Cwuistmas Juoce. 43s ‘THE JUDGE PUBLISHING COMPANY (Juncr BurLptNa). New York. my other cartoon weekly in the world. (9 NOTICE TO PUBLISHERS.—The contents of Jur right in both the United States and Great Britain. lafringem promptly and vigorously prosecuted. "© are protected by copy- of this copyright will be ‘THE ALLEGED FACT that mosquitées inoculate against malaria is a fine argument in favor of malaria. ery MB: GLADSTONE was never more vigorous; so we take it that the story of his trying to learn the bicycle is untrue. ree [A WOMAN has invented an improved shoe-lace fastener. It is a erying want. Too many of the old shoe-lace fasteners are married, eee THE BLACK Boy Bundy has fairly won his cadetship at Annapo- lis, We trust the academy will be compelled to take the Bun. WE THANK Dr. Ab- bott for his assur- ance that there is no hell ; and now that the weather is getting warmer we real- ly.don’t need any. E, SUSPECT that the air-ship so large- ly advertised is on a search for the various victories that are always occupying portions of its altitude. BIRDIE MORGAN, the first woman to enlist under the new Col- orado law permitting wo- men to join the national guard, is apparently one of the early Birdies, VERY THE WOMEN of Denver, Colorado, surreptitiously made up a local ticket and elected it, to the profound astonishment of the machines. Wherefore cannot women keep a secret ? THE “GREATER” CRAZE has got down to Smithville, and will pres- ently begin on individuals. We shall soon hear of a greater Lexow, a greater Tillman, and a greater Tom Jones. [UNDER an amended state law the privilege of shaving on Sunday be- longs to Niagara Falls, What has that town done that it should have this excessive and most surprising liberty ? QUEEN'S JUBILEE is scored by the London papers as a rich men’s show. Well, poor fellows! the envy of the majority is such that they haven't had a fair show for several years, eee THE IOWA is a great battle-ship. She is several weeks old and the most of her is still above high-water mark. And she has the speed necessary in an emergency to get out of harm's way. T! E PRESIDENT of this republic is elected to the Dolphin as well as to the white-house, and it is miserable littleness to grudge him the We meant to have said this last year, but our space privilege of its use. was limited. Eruet—" Did you ever meet a man whom you thought you could look up to?” PenrLorr—"* Oh, yes; but when I tried it I took a header.” TIME AND THE WHEEL. THE ARTISTS may very appropriately put Time on a bicycle. He has always carried a scythe, and that is merely a large sickle. Between that and the modern vehicle the reader's imagination will readily supply all deficiencies. And the need of improved facilities for travel in his case is urgent. The period is rapid and he has the infirmities of age. Ob, yes! ‘Time and the fin-de-siécle bicycle must roll together. THE RIGHTS OF WOMEN CHRISTIANS. HE NEW YORK CONFERENCE of the Methodist Episcopal church recently voted overwhelmingly against the admission of women to its councils as lay delegates. It is a repetition of a very old insult to both the dignity and the intelligence of the women of the church, and it is time that it led to revolution. Without women the church would go down; and if men are so stupid that they can’t recognize this fact it ought to be pulled down about their ears. THE PARTISAN PESSIMIST. [§ THE GOOD old days of the Clays and Websters and Bentons and Sumners the newspapers discussed the degeneracy of the senate ex- actly as they do now. There has néver been a time since the government began to have a past when that kind of pessimistic self-denunciation has not been more or less popular. We have as able a congress now as ever; but there will always prevail the solemn opinion that whatever was was right and whatever is is wrong. RETROACTION. TH E RETROACTIVE in law-making has not been sufficiently ap- preciated. We ought to go to work right away to provide by law that this country never had a civil war or any other calami- ty; and it might be well to provide for the payment at once of future damages by Spain to our navy in view of the contemplated trouble between that coun- try and this, Time is a peculiar thing in its con- nections with law. Let us. take Time by the forelock and the rear fetlock too, MAY IDIOTS GO INSANE? A MR. GOWER of North Carolina was a Democrat and became a populist last year. This year he brooded over the disgrace thus acquired, went insane, and then took his own life. It requires a good deal of gulli- bility to believe that a populist has the brains necessary to insanity ; but the descent from Democracy to that depth of idiocy is not so great, and indeed the poor man was bright enough to regret it and to take the speed- iest means to its only proper and complete rectification. RISKY. A PEFFERSONIAN ANNIVERSARY. HE ADOPTION of Thomas Jefferson by William J. Bryan is more kind than proper or legitimate. A dead man ought to have some rights, but the greater he was and the deader he is the more numerous are his relatives and friends. We now expect to see the memory of that poor man in the hands of the populists, the socialists, the communists, and the national organization of horse-doctors, all of them under the control of John Most and Mr. Bryan, Are there no laws against such body-snatch- ing? A SCARLET ADVENTURESS. THE CHIMAY WOMAN has inadvertently elevated the stage. She wanted to pose on it, mostly in that condition which invites pneu- monia, but the police prevented the exposure. It must not be said, how- ever, that the latter were not at all arduous in behalf of decency. What they feared was a row, the friends of the woman's deserted husband having threatened her with live rabbits and old eggs. And perhaps, in view of her threatened appearance here, a few of those determined persons had better be imported. comicbooks.com